Sinner for the Devil | l.s.

11

My skin was shivering under the coldness of the air around. I tried to look for the person who kept me warm before but there was with me anymore.

I opened my eyes to see I was still lying on the couch.

It was silent, everything was silent and I was left completely alone.

We did that, again.
I could feel the stained liquid on my body and I couldn't help myself but feel so dirty.

I am unworthy of real care and love that's why I am here, because I am just a slut good for sex and nothing else.

I put my knees under my chin, hugging myself to warm myself up a bit.

"I can also cook. I know I am nothing special in cooking but Niall says I make really nice lasagna." I hushed away the tears which were building up in my eyes.

"I can clean and I can give you attention. I can be here for you when you need to talk something out. I can listen. I am more than a sex toy, I could be more than a sex toy."
once in my life I just wanted to be appreciated, I wanted to feel loved.

Getting up from that couch made something inside me break totally. I was disgusted by myself. I don't know where those feelings were coming from but they were there.

I knew I was alone so I decided to walk around the flat that looked nothing like home to me. It was fully equipped with all those carpets, paintings, furniture and decorations but it seemed so cold.
Eventually I came into the bathroom.

It was all in white color. The shower was in the corner, only separated by see through glass.

My eyes laid on my dirty tummy once again. He wasn't here so he certainly wouldn't even notice I took a shower, would he?

There was no shampoo or whatsoever so I just let the water rain down on me.
My head was full, it was really loud in there.
I would like to, I don't fucking know what I would like anymore.

Probably to disappear?

How nice would it be if the earth just swallowed me whole, what a favor I would do to this world.

I dressed into that clothes I had almost ripped off of myself just few hours back.
As I was leaving I quickly took a look around the flat once again.
He probably wasn't living here.
I think this place was meant to serve for having 'fun'. He is taking people here for sex.

How many people were sitting on that couch before me?

I was disgusted. How could I be one of the crowd he takes here? How could I let that happen?

There was already a car waiting for me outside.
The driver was the same man who had taken me home after the gym thing, I recognized him.

"Hey." he smiled small at me through the rear mirror.
I nodded, my eyes still shiny from the tears I had let fallen down in that skyscraper.

"Can I ask you something?" I felt the urge to ask him that one question I had on my mind right now.
"You can try."
"How many?" I really wanted to know.
"How many what, boy?" he glanced at me again.
"How many people does he do this with?" the driver went silent for a moment, looking everywhere but me.
"I shouldn't talk about him." he suddenly turned almost cold.
"Alright." I murmured ever so quietly, he probably didn't even hear me.

When our drive was about to end he spoke up.
"He used to change people every night." his grip on the steering wheel tightened.
"But you just have something, something that keeps him going after you." he was serious as I could hear in his tone but for me those words sounded like a pure joke.
"Sure." I laughed sarcastically before I jumped out of the car.

"Hey Harry! How was your-" I ran right inside my room, slamming the door behind me.
"day?" Niall finished the sentence for himself.
I know I shouldn't be like that but I really needed to be left alone right now.
"It was good. Don't worry about me, yeah?" I tried to say it as nicely as possible.
"Okay. I am here if you decide you need me." I heard him knock his hand on the door once before he left the hallway.

I should just get drunk or something, I don't know what else to do.
Let me think for a moment.

So I laid down on my comfortable bed, my eyes fixed on the ceiling of my room.

Small wet kisses on my skin, breeze coming through the half opened window and his scent everywhere.
"Hey." I heard his voice near my ear.
"Mhm?" I left my eyes still shut.
"Dress, I will take you home." he kissed me under my ear before he pulled away.
"You don't-" he didn't let me finish.
"I want to, alright?" he threw a sweater on me.
"It's cold, take it. I don't want you to get sick." he put on his own clothes, rearranging his hair as well.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

No more dreams, no more.

I blasted out of my room, going straight towards the door.
"Bud? What ya doing?" Niall looked at me from his place on the couch.
"I am going out."
"Without me? No, no, no! That's not how it works. Give me few minutes." I couldn't argue with him.
I saw he was excited to go out tonight,
I wanted him to be happy. He deserved it.

"Okay, be quick!" I shouted into the flat.
"Of course I will, I am not you!" he responded with laugh at the end.

It's contagious so I had to laugh along.

"It's good to see you smile again Harold, really." he said as we left our flat to have a crazy night together. I needed that as never. Just me, Niall, music and alcohol. Like the old times, right?