Can I Afford Dreaming? (BTS Added Member)

I Kissed Three of Them

They hold hands, an act more mundane than an embrace. Yet it promises a more possible grasp despite the distance.

The two are seated, and there is a space between them. But somehow, they fill each other more than lying together.

There are the words "but" and "yet" in all these details about them. And isn't that how friendship works? A bond that is not as spoken about in poetry and lyrics, although it can run deeper than some romances.

A date is meant to engage people, and allow their sole focus to be one another. And for the first few hours, and the past dates, she was the only person on his mind. He can write a song about everything she did because all the little actions she did endears him. How she'd speak about her regular customers, on the new drinks they made for the season, and even the workers she hired who were hopelessly flirting with fellow employees. But how can he not be distracted when she asked a question that may be interpreted with ardor, but the way she dryly asked only told of the candor she wanted from him.

Maybe even with promises and a blunt man as himself, there will still be doubt. Maybe laced with grace, or baked to perfection. But doubt was present nonetheless. And even if it made his foot press too much weight on his other, he still answered it directly, not blocking any words that might make others think twice to say.

"I kissed three of them, and the first is not who everybody thinks it was."

"And honestly, I think that was the rawest in a way. Because it was my first time wanting after a long time, so I kissed him first. He kissed back too."

-----

Dae never had much confidence in what he wrote on the sheet. They were truths to an extent, fragments of what he observed of the world and his life. But they were not statements he could be blunt with, for was honesty present? Or at least creativity to be appreciated? And these questions were uncertainties he did not like to deal with. He may have grown up with the group these two years, but his stance on the needed stability never changed. And that was to be applied in everything he produced.

So he did not pitch in with lyrics. Not until his hyung wanted to see them, and find a way to use them.

Hence, here they both were right now. His lyrics are being looked over, and suddenly confidence for truth settles in now. Because that was what Yoongi brought to his craft. It made Dae believe in them, enough to announce it in their songs. And whatever this feeling was, made him suddenly crave and be selfish. After a long time of rejecting his wants, it comes once again in the form of a man whose eyes were suddenly sweeping to his.

And he couldn't resist, so he leaned in. An addicting warmth to his only now 19 (Korean age) self, that was ignited as he kissed the pale boy before him.

'Wait, why am I acting on such a selfish desire, only I get satisfaction from?'

But before he could pull away because of these questions coming closer to the answer of yes, the no was communicated. Not through words to unsaid questions. But by Yoongi kissing him back, and allowing his hands to gently cup the younger boy's cheeks.

Both eyes closed. Allowing selfishness and wanting to take over two boys who barely survived fulfilling their needs in the past.

-----

She knew his eyes did not gloss when he recalled. Instead, they hardened and revealed all the color in a stripe of bold. And that was the exact same thing he was doing right now, recalling a kiss she chose to ask about. "You have a type, people older than you, I must say. For stability is it?" And she could not resist calling him out. The younger boy was undoubtedly loyal and in love with her. But now that things were progressing towards a possibility of marriage, it was she who struggled to hold on straws and find secrets she did not know of. Even secrets that were not of events, but also untold opinions irrational to be asked about. "Who was a better first kiss? Ours or yours?"

"Why are you making me choose, Rae noona?"

Her eyes slanted, noticing what he withheld. A tiny irrelevant matter that only she can use against him. Or at least, she hopes that it was exclusively in her power. "Why are you evading the question then? Aren't you known to be a brutally honest man?" But she knows that the young boy she called her lover had given more exceptions to those seven boys than to her. And for a long time, it was what she built herself to accept. Yet tonight, after hearing him unwilling to admit his opinion, she is left wondering. And this woman does not like uncertainty as much as him, so she is unwilling to leave this dinner table until he answers.