𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

Chapter 74 | Velocity

MIRIAM

"I've been meaning to talk to you." I looked up to see Sandrine's face, riddled with angst. "Can I sit?"

I shut my book and put it beside me as she moved the desk chair to sit across. "I don't really know how to start this."

"So I'm friends with Theo right?" I didn't know that but okay. Why did she feel the need to tell me this?

My heart clenched when hearing his name though. It had been a while, and I was sort of pushing out others away, including him. Everyone but Levai I had pretty much abandoned, and I gave in my resignation at the pub.

It wasn't like Levai was special. Of course he was special in that way, but not to this situation.

He was more, necessary.

Plus, I had made the fatal flaw of leaving him once. The thought of feeling worse than I already do makes my skin tingle.

The pain of that night comes in waves, but never really settles. I know me hurting him would settle.

But every time I saw him, and I saw how beautifully he was handling me and my new circumstance, I was enamoured with something else.

I didn't feel like I was being handled with kid gloves, and I didn't feel like I had to hide my discomfort. Like an unfortunate secret.

"I pushed everyone away too."

It stinks into me, settles into every pore the realisations of what she's just told me.

Why didn't Levai tell me?
Of course he wouldn't, he would never tell anyone something that wasn't his to share.

"I'm so sorry." My heart rattles inside of my chest, and a hundred different scenarios sprang up.

"It's been a few years now... but it's never left me."
"Fuck of course it hasn't, look at me I'm a goddamn mess." She laughs through sputtered tears.

After clearing her throat, my eyes start to fill with empathy. "You're a lot of things, but I wouldn't call you a mess Sandrine."

"I was supposed to comfort you." She harshly wipes away her tears with her fingernails, scraping them along with remnants of her foundation.

I want her to open up to me, to share anything she feels comfortable to. I want to be able to do the same, but everything in me felt rehearsed and utterly swept through. I deserved it, my stupidity led to what happened.

To what happened multiple times.

That night was only the first time I had outwardly said no to Elijah. But there were so many times before, where my nonverbal cues were no green light for what he did. I was so angry at my little self, the younger version of me that was so naive enough to hate myself each time it happened.

You could have just said no Miri.

I guess deep down inside, I was afraid of what would have happened if I did say no, and then he continued.

Because then I couldn't lie to myself, and it would become such a hard pill to swallow.

But now after what had happened that pill turned into dozens that I spent weeks dry heaving up.