𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

Chapter 14 | Clarity

Miriam if you do not pull yourself together, you're going to fail everything. You'll get nowhere in life and the world won't care about whatever circumstances have led you to your downfall.

He wouldn't want you to have become a failure.

The window was cracked down, allowing me to breathe slightly in the cramped car. Elijah is driving, holding a cigarette in his mouth. "You're so tight for me." He spoke, referring to our moment together in the back of his car.

He didn't realise that that wasn't a good sign.

I offer him a weak smile. I'd been doing that a lot lately. Giving limb expressions only to be met with the same response. It was like a social experiment, to see whether anyone would notice.

He tipped the butt of his cigarette in the side of the window. The clouds of smoke made me feel lightheaded, as if I hadn't slept in a while.

Ever since what happened with Levai, I couldn't help but return to past memories. The rejection forced me into a dark space, I couldn't exactly pinpoint what it was that I'd felt.

Elijah noticed that something was off after the first two weeks. I'd stopped eating and was becoming quite tired after my tasks, hunger practically consumed me. "What the fuck made you like this?" He'd questioned.

I would simply reply my dad, knowing it would quiet him.

"Please call me Miri, your mother misses you very much. I've been so alone with you not here." The text read. I held my knees against myself, feeling the leather seats at the soles of my feet.

Elijah starting driving above the speed limit, making me feel slightly anxious. It was the first time I'd felt something in weeks, the numbness practically dragging itself out.

"I need a moment." I uttered to Elijah hoping that he'd stop the car.

"Do I look like a fucking Uber? You've have your moment when we get there. Fucking women." The numbness returned. A smile crept up onto my face, I was happy that for once it was Elijah who made me feel like this as opposed to Levai.

Levai.

Even just the thought of his name sent shivers down my spine.

"Moan my name for me baby. I want to hear you scream it from those pretty little lips of yours." His voice still curls up inside of me.

Me haces delirar. (You make me delirious Miri.)
Todo sobre ti es perfecta. (everything about you is perfect.)

His voice would sent me into overdrive and I could practically hear the gnawing in my stomach. He'd later translate everything he told me whilst stroking my hair, making the entire world around us seem obsolete.

He hadn't texted since that day, only leaving several voice messages. The truth was, I wasn't ready to hear why he didn't want me anymore. I only knew that I wanted the mere days I had with him to be the only memory I carried of him, before I'd be forced to relinquish control.

"We're here." Elijah said, getting up from the car. The last time I was at this car park, I was met with glass thrown a few inches away from me. But I deserved this, I deserved the emptiness inside of me just as Elijah deserved to have me. We weren't good people but we were right for each other. The delusion that Levai, the most perfect person I'd ever met in my life, was what I deserved was simply that. A delusion.