𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

Chapter 56 | Nostalgia

MIRIAM

Wiping down the counters of the pub, Renny was ranting about the latest episode of a television show they'd been watching.

"You'd love the MC, he's absolutely your type. Italian I know, but you like your men exotic."

"I like my women foreign too." I said leaning over the counter, offering them a little smile. My little dishcloth soaked in the spilt alcohol that collected under the coasters. Drunks tended to be a little careless.

Renny often sat on the back of the bar, dangling their legs over the large bottles underneath. When they weren't on their phone, they had their head in a book, this week's was 'A little life' by Hanya Yanagihara. Sometimes you could hear quiet sobs in the employee room from them, so I decided to steer clear once they offered to lend me the book once they were done.

"Miri you just have to, you like thinking about all this dark shit." Oliver sometimes perched at the end of the seat, making gentle fun of their blubbering. "Renny you're a mess in the best way possible."

"Yeah whenever you complain about getting low tips, I'm reminding you of this moment." I had two plates in my hand from the chef, and placed the traditional British meals at a table nearby.

"I see, so me being NB and British as it comes is an issue then." I rolled my eyes, but then thought about what they'd jokingly proposed.

I'd never considered my sexuality outside of men and women, I'd never met anyone who identified outside of that scope before. It was difficult to catch someone who openly identified as bi in either religious circle I grew up in, let alone someone who rejected God's image of gender.

Regardless, I was never one for labels, it was always for the convenience of those around me that I decided to identify myself as a bisexual woman.

Before I was going to reveal this, to twist the conversation in a way that Renny had sometimes hinted at, I felt the eyes of someone from my past walk through the door.

That was when I saw Elijah. With my old friend Ellie.

My old and only friend at one point in time, the one who I'd confide in specifically about him, and who would tell me I'm at fault no matter the scenario.

The one who reaffirmed everything I thought about myself.

The self-loathing, the blame all of it.

They sat at the corner of the pub, and I took notice of the interlocking of their hands.

Why did I feel something tear inside of me?
It wasn't a sense of jealousy, not by any means.
No this emotion was way more deep rooted.

"Miriam you don't look so hot." Their eyes peered to where mine avoided.

"I'll go over there if you want, take five."

"It's fine." I muster out. I didn't want to be catered to, and I knew that I had to see it for myself. The clacking of metal forks as well as the pouring of alcohol were drowned by the racing of my heart. I hated this, yet I was so drawn to it.

It was the ultimate form of self-torture.

"Hello Miriam." Ellie's sweet voice purred, and I felt Elijah's smirk. "Fancy seeing you here, slumming it didn't work out?"

Her manner is joking, and filled with nostalgic intent.

I wasn't up for reminiscing.

"Still housekeeping Ellie, just needed a bit more money." I offer her a faint smile, as I noticed Elijah brushing his fingers against her knuckles. "Red wine for the lady, I'll take a beer. We'll also have number five from the menu."