𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

Chapter 60 | Sanctuary

Loss was such a scary thing.

Her decision ripped me to shreds, until finally, there was nothing left.

Recently, it felt like my life was running on two electrical currents. One was magnetic positivity and another was despairing sadness.

At first, I lingered in the second the most.

She'll come back, once she finds herself. They told me.

She still loves you man, I knew that to be true.

Her love never stopped radiating from her, but there was so much brokenness, so much sorrow that stood in the midst of what once was.

Sorrow that wasn't meant to be repaired.

"You're going to fuck up these admission exams if you don't pull yourself together Lee." Anne's words were harsh truths in the back of my mind.

I once told Miriam that a hard limit of mine was interference with my education.

What I had meant by that, was if I was studying, or working on an assignment, she wasn't to try to distract me.
I was so easily distracted by her beauty.

I wouldn't get anything done if I hadn't set the hard limit in place, I would get too lost in those perfect curves or those beautifully shaped lips of hers.

I didn't know that it would come to this.

She interferes with such an important part of my identity by not even being in my presence.

"I know."

"It's the last round of exams, then you're done. Application is all over and done with, all you'll need is the gruelling letter of results afterwards."

I close my eyes, attempting to clear my mind through exhaling the clouds that sit at the bottom of my stomach.

"Yeah you're right." She looks at me with sad eyes.
Anne was the first to take notice the change of my demeanour once me and Miriam parted.

Samael and Theo had already known what happened, but it was another thing entirely to have someone recognise the change in you.

It was strange, I got my friend back from the weird grips that held her when we arrived in Cornwall.

She was considerate, and allowed me to depend on her when it came to focusing on the last round of University admissions.

That was what I needed.

A distraction that took me away from Cornwall, that allowed me to be something more. More than this heartache.

It was pitiful, and I didn't do well with pity.

After all, this was what she wanted.

And didn't I always promise her to give her what she wanted?

For once, I wanted to be selfish.

I wanted to scream at her, baby, mi amor, mi corazón, la barrera de mi alma, por favor no me dejes. Mi alma no puede soportarlo.
[my love, my heart, the barrier of my soul, please don't leave me. My soul can't bare it.]

But I promised myself once that I would never put my needs above hers.

She was all that mattered.

Yet there was a part of me deep down that hated her decision. I cursed the cause of why she was leaving, and I wanted nothing more than to tear everyone in her past that caused the frail expressions of the woman that sat infront of me.