𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘍𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘈𝘱𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘵/ 𝗜-𝗟𝗔𝗡𝗗

FINALE

7 YEARS LATER

YUJI'S POV

''back to the show and we have our supermodel guest Yuji Yamada'' said the interviewer, she glanced at me and plastered a smile ''hello Yuji, I am really a huge fan of you, I always watch your runaways shows, gosh, you looked fabulous in person, guys I'm serious she is really a goddess'' the audience laughed.

''thank you'' I politely said.

we talked for a few more minutes about my work, and I can't do anything because most of the questions are from the chosen fans, it was something nice questions and really genuine to talk about.

''so what really happened during I-LAND?, after you left enhypen?''

it was indeed a sensitive topic for me, I haven't talked about it for a while, but I understand since I am part of the fashion industry and my past, present, and future will always bug out the media.

I bit my lip in nervousness.

what exactly happened 7 years ago, I wasn't prepared to discuss it.

my eyes always get teary whenever I remember things that happened before.

I covered my face, the audience sounded worried that's who I gestured an 'i'm okay' sign.

the interviewer handed me the tissue.

''sorry about that...'' I said adding a chuckle in the end.

''you know, it's fine if you don't need to speak about it'' she carefully said.

''I'll talk, please continue'' I reassured, I am just not prepared but I want to talk about it for the sake of tabloid junkies, and rumors regarding me.

FLASHBACK

INTO THE I-LAND was my last performance in I-land.

It was one of the most immeasurable memory I had.

I debuted and became the lead dancer and lead vocalist of the group, it was my dream since I entered I-LAND.

I deemed I was happy for leading my dreams on my own, that everything was okay, but I was wrong about one thing and that was handling the criticisms every day.

I receive hate most of the time, they tell me that I don't deserve it, it became worst and it led me to depression, no one knew except to someone who is good at understanding and reading my eyes.

heesung, I felt sorry for him, he shouldn't be involved with me, ENHYPEN shouldn't be a part of me at all.

I worked hard every day to not disappoint the fans, but I don't even know where to start.

my mom got assaulted in the supermarket by sasaeng fans, I got angry and blamed myself.

I thought I was okay with the help of pills, psychiatrists, and long vacations, but none of them changed my perspective view, I was just enjoying myself but what really happened?

did I lost motivation?, did I miss something?, am I really that careless?, what did I do?

I tried to harm myself countless times but heesung always find me and stops me, there was once a time that I breakdown really hard in front of him because of tons of shame false accusations that made me feel sick.

they called me names that a dog can't even swallow.

the traumatizing part was I received death threats every day, I don't know them but I caught someone before who tried to stab me with a knife during our first concert, my mental health got worsen.