Accident | Eren x reader

Chapter 31 | Broken Mirror

"How do I feel?".

I sighed as I stared into the blank canvas. I always talk about how emotions are my biggest inspiration for art, and I don't even know my own. I looked over to my phone and picked it up. I opened my contacts and looked at jean's name. "He did say if I ever wanna talk about it".

I called his phone and waited for him to pick up.

Jean: y/n, how is everything.

y/n: it's fine, well actually, I called because you mentioned if I ever wanna talk about it and was thinking if that offer is still available.

Jean: it's funny you should say that, open your door.

"My door?" I whispered. still being on the phone with jean I walked over to my door and opened seeing jean standing there with the phone to his ear and holding two bags up.

I smiled as I hung up the phone and let him in. "what's the bags for?" I asked.

"Take out and ice cream, I was hoping you didn't have dinner so I got us some, and I got you ice cream to cheer you up".

"I don't deserve you," I said. Jean smiled as he set the bags on my desk and started taking the food out.

"What you working on," he said looking at the blank canvas.

"The Mona Lisa"

"Isn't that already a panting?" he handed me a take-out box and chopsticks. 

"Yeah, hange has us making it into our own version, basically just the way we would make it".

"Well, tell me, how you're making it". He took hitch's desk chair and sat down across from me.

"I actually don't know, the thing is, the way I would make it is by using emotions, but it's like I don't know my own emotions right now. so I'm having a bit of trouble".

"You have no clue what you feel?"

"Yes then no, I know I feel something, but I can't pinpoint the exact emotion."

"I don't get it?" he said. 

"How do I explain this, let's see". I looked around the room to try and see an example. I looked at hitch's vanity as I saw my reflection it hit me.

"a broken mirror for example. if you were to look at a broken mirror, you would see the same image just in different pieces. and to me each broken piece is a different emotion but I don't know which one I'm looking into".

"So we'll pick up a piece one by one and go from there until we find the right one".

"But what piece do we start from, is the question".

"Let's pick up the hurt piece, how you feeling".

I rolled my eyes, "can we just throw that piece away, it's not important".

"Every piece is important, that's how we'll get back to a full mirror".

"Fine, but can we pick another piece, and save this for later".

"Why?" he asked. 

"It's gonna sound stupid but, I feel I shouldn't be hurt in the first place. I know who and what eren is. so I should have expected it, but I didn't because I thought maybe he's different now. so it's my own fault for thinking different. Therefore I shouldn't cry over eren."

"Wrong, it's not your fault. Eren put up a side that you saw different-"

"That I shouldn't have seen in the first place because he's a narcissist fuck boy that I told myself multiple times that he does not care about anyone's feelings other than his own. because if he somewhat cared one bit, he wouldn't have slept with someone, and be acting like everything is fine! I mean he's smiling at another woman for god sake he couldn't wait at least 24 hours! I hate him!".