33 | MONSTER (2)

320 29 109
                                    

WHAT IF I FALL?
THEN AM I THE MONSTER?

If you told me just an hour or two ago that I'd be disowned, I'd probably have laughed in your face

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If you told me just an hour or two ago that I'd be disowned, I'd probably have laughed in your face.

Me? Disowned? My parents don't even care enough to disown me, I would probably have said. But now as I stood in front of my father who was staring at me as if I was setting him on fire and tending the flames, I question everything I've ever said, thought and done.

My parents were never particularly affectionate nor present in my life, but they were still people I held close to my heart, because after all that jazz, they were still my parents and they weren't abusive or anything. Just absent.

"Go away!" my father screamed, clambering to the other end of the hospital bed, eyes wide and crazed. "Go away, you monster!"

I didn't blame him. I did look like a monster now with blood streaking my face and clothes.

"Dad," My voice broke against my will, and I stepped forth. "Dad, I'm sorry."

Sorry for bring trouble back home. Sorry for taking Mom away. Sorry for mentally scarring you. The words lodged in my throat when he shrank back further. Sorry for not being the person you expected me to be.

I could hear the footsteps at the corridor now, could here the whispers as new presences neared. I wasn't particularly keen on coming to the House of Kim, but Hansol did raise a good point that my Dad should get a medical check-up and I caved, so here we were.

Oh and speaking of Hansol, I owed a Hell lot to him right now because he was currently find ways to dispose of the many bodies in my house.

My father shook his head fervently, clutching the cream sheets of the bed. "Don't call me Dad, you are not my daughter," he breathed, "My daughter died years ago when we sent her to that wretched temple. You are just a monster wearing her skin, speaking with her voice. Go away!" His voice rose to a crescendo and I flinched back. "My daughter would never do the things you've done," he sounded so broken, so betrayed. "She wouldn't even know how to hold a gun, much less kill with one. She wouldn't be laughing and smiling like a devil as she slams a blade into a man and twist it. She wouldn't have killed. She wouldn't. You are not my daughter." He raised his head up for the first time this whole interaction. "I don't ever want to see you again, monster."

His words hit like bricks, one after another. I understood where he was coming from, I completely understood really. But that didn't mean it hurt less.

"Go away!"

A familiar warmth pricked the back of my eyes as I stared at him for the final time, trying to memorize every line and crease of his face. "I'm sorry," I whispered, turning and walking out of the ward.

怎料事与愿违
(Who knew things would turn out completely against my will?)
不染 (Unsullied) by 毛不易

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