The Changes In Our Moments

•chapter 19•

It takes us forever to call the ambulance; they show up automatically, or maybe It just seems like that because I can't stop looking around me. Scared, terrified. Sad and mad, confused and lonely.
I drive to the hospital, I can't sit next to my boyfriend and Camden who were both shot, and my brother who was shot as well.
It should have been me.
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(Her in the waiting room with Giavanna)
I bounce my foot up and down on the solid ground, biting my nails. No patience is running through me what so ever.
Camden and Andrew are rolled out in wheel chairs, their arms in casts.
They step out limping, but they are fine.
I smile hugging the side of Andrew that isn't hurt, I quickly separate from him going near the nurse.
"How is johnny?" I question her calmly, as possible as I can.
She purses her lip and shakes her head,
"He is still in unconscious, but the bullet missed his heart and by a centimeter. You were lucky," she smiles at that one, "but he is having lung puncturing and his rib cage was shattered, which won't help his breathing. He is in a coma at the moment." She bites her lip and then puts a hand on my shoulder, "im very sorry, let me know if you need anything and I will keep you updated." She sighs.
I place my hands into my pockets, feeling the need to strangle her for not automatically helping my brother, but she cant do more.
I step around her and huddle outside and sit on the curb, lacing my fingers and huffing back my tears.
I whip around as I hear a familiar voice state, "can I join you?"
It's Andrew.
I nod, trying to scoot over, of course my brain isn't really focused on that subject so I just jump up and walk back and fourth.
Andrew looks me up and down, as if I'm some deranged animal. He has one eye shut, blocking the sun out and his other solid blue eye is shining on me. It feels really weird all of the sudden.
He opens his mouth to speak, "Bree im so sorry. I wish I could do something. Do you need anything?"
I shake my head.
"Bree, he is going to be okay. I know it."
I lift my hands up in the air, "you don't know that, because 11 months ago I was in this position. By myself watching my mother die, as I said the same thing as you. But look at her now." I shake my head, holding back as much tears as possible.
I roll my eyes back and squint as tears roll down my cheek, I cover my mouth with the back of my hand jumping- thinking it will make me stop crying.
I huff as Andrew gets up and hugs me, I slide past him into the concrete, slamming my knee. I'm careless right now,
"Andrew, if he dies. I can't make it. I cannot lose him Andrew! I can't!" I squirm, walking inside and grabbing my coat and purse and I run to my car and leave.
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I pull into the driveway, tears still stinging my eyes.
I run out and slam my front door behind me, running to my brother's room sliding down the door and crying, hitting my head against the wall. I can't stop crying.
I crawl over to his bed, and roll myself onto it.
The silk and smooth covers tickle my toes.
I begin to doze off as a door awakens me, I listen clearly through the vent
"She won't be able to handle it, he is definitely a goner." That's Andrew's voice, I listen in closer "she is holding onto every inch of hope she can hold, it will kill her if it's actually true. She doesn't deserve this." I hear him suck in his breath as I hear Giavanna crying and Camden failing to comfort her.
I pull myself out of bed and roll down the stairs casually.
I lay on the couch, obviously a mess and I finish off my look with a sigh that turns into a sob.
The phone starts ringing and I dart towards it, and as I suspected it's the hospital.
I answer hesitantly, this may or may not be my answer.
I take a deep breath, ignoring all the stares im getting and I put the phone to my ear, hiding all my depression into a casual, obviously upset voice.
"Hello?" I ask in the quirkiest voice ever.
The voice whispers back a hello and I continue with a few nice words to say and get to the news, it's not easy for me to handle hearing her talk about what happened and how it affected him.
I finally put the phone back on the hook and look away.
"He's gone." I finish, "as they said. I know he has to be alive."
They all shake their head, "Bree. he is gone, I'm really sorry but he is." Camden looks at me, pleading for me to understand.
I roll my eyes, "they made a mistake. He has to still be alive."
Giavanna shakes her head, "he is gone Bree, I'm so sorry." She sobs into her hands.
I wipe my hand through my hair, "you all think I'm crazy? Don't you? Because I have hope for a brother that I can't lose! I promised him I wouldn't lose him, he is my brother! He isn't DEAD!"
I stutter at the word dead and fall to my knees,
"No no no no no, noo," I grab my side dropping as they all huddle towards me.
I suck in my breaths, "my brother is gone. He is all I had, everything. " I puff out a harsh breath, "MY BROTHER IS GONE! MY BROTHER MY FLESH AND BLOOD IS GONE!" I scream, I run upstairs and storm into his room.
They follow me, and I grab all his stuff.
"What are you doing?" They ask.
I shake my head, "my brother is gone, I can't have anymore memories of him. No more! It's toxic, I'm toxic! Maybe I should die too!" I scream.
Giavanna grabs my hands but I shake her off, "Bree, you are over thinking. You are having strong mixed emotions, it's okay we are here. Don't do this." I roll my eyes,
"Shut up! You aren't my mom, because mine is dead!" I laugh out a sob. "Along with my brother!" I grab all his things and start tossing them out the window, "I can't do this!" I shout and Andrew grabs me, "Bree! You can't do this, you would have to burn down this house to get rid of the memories, but think about those memories. They are special." He lightly hugs me, and I shake my head.
" I don't want memories, I don't care. I want it all to burn, I have nothing. I'm not going to pretend I do!" I shout, until I feel someone pick me up and laying me on my bed.
I feel a needle go into me, as I begin breathing heavily and then it all goes blank.