KOTLC Oneshots

1 Step Forward, 3 Steps Back

"AHHH"

She screamed and threw a pillow across the room. She stumbled over to her bed with tears dripping down her face and sat down. Every time - every freaking time she thought she was over him, thought she was doing better...the wave washed over her again. It knocked her down. Every time she thought she was finding happiness again...she remembered something that erased all her progress. Remembered just one 'I love you,' just one kiss, or compliment or picnic. All it took was one moment out of the thousands they had together to knock her off her feet.

The wave kept coming. It kept knocking her down every time she tried to get back up. "And it's just gonna drown me."

Suddenly, Sophie heard a knock at her door and jumped.

"Sophie.." called Edaline's soft voice, dripping with worry.. "Can I come in?"

Sophie breathed out a shaky breath and wiped her face with her hand. "Sure."

She caught sight of Edaline's half smile as her adoptive mother peeked through the doorway. Sophie tried to mirror her mom's smile but it was too shaky to look real.

Edaline made her way to Sophie's bed and sat down beside her. Edaline's hand caressed Sophie's face and wiped a tear. Sophie flinched.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?"

Sophie breathed out another shaky breath. She really didn't want to talk about it but pretending like she was fine wasn't an option anymore.

"I..I just..I don't know how to be happy anymore. Every time I get back up and forget, I remember something." She closed her eyes and willed them to keep the oncoming tears inside. "Like..I remember him saying that he loved me or something like that and it all comes crashing back. Right when I get back up, something knocks me down again. It's always one step forward and three steps back. Am I good, am I better? I don't understand."

Edaline wringed her hands. "I..kind of get what you mean." She locked eyes with her broken daughter. "Not knowing exactly what your kid is going through or how to help is not an easy thing for a mom to admit. I had a few boyfriends before Grady and the breakups hurt. But..not like this. There's something else going on with you that's more than just typical breakup blues. I wish you would tell me."

Sophie breathed in slowly like she was inhaling Edaline's words. She picked apart each statement and the gravity of what Edaline had just said was not lost on her. She had to say something.

Sophie took a few deep breaths and turned to Edaline. "I..I don't know how to love myself a-anymore." Her voice cracked on the last word as her heart broke in two and new salty tears streamed down her face with the confession.

"Aww, honey." Edaline quickly embraced her and wiped her adoptive daughter's tears as they fell.

Sophie sat up to give herself some space. "It's like...I used to feel so good whenever he complimented me. And now I don't have that..that source of validation anymore. Like, am I pretty? Am I fun?"

Edaline nodded along and rubbed Sophie's back.

"I.." she paused to rip out an eyelash. "I just hate that I give him control over that kind of stuff."

Edaline nodded. "I get it, I really do. But..you just have to remember that it will get better some day."

Sophie's hands suddenly balled into fists. "Stop it! I'm so sick of hearing that! Don't you get it? That's the point. It'll be better someday but it's not better right now!"

Edaline jumped back.

"Oh no..mom, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to yell, I swea-"

"Sophie! It's ok." Edaline ran her hand through Sophie's stringy hair. "I understand it's frustrating to hear the same thing over and over. Buttt," she dragged out as she lifted Sophie's chin to meet her vivid turquoise eyes. "You have to remember that it's true and keep hope. I know it's hard, honey, but..just promise me you'll keep in mind that you'll feel a lot better one day, ok?"

Sophie smiled, ever so slightly, and nodded. Her mom was right.

"Ok, well I'm gonna go make dinner. Come down when you're ready."

Sophie nodded and waited for Edaline to leave. After the door closed softly, she spread out on her bed and breathed in deeply. A breeze found its way into the room from an open window and tickled Sophie's nose. Strands of her golden hair danced across her face, and with each deep breath she took, time ticked slowly back to life. A soft smile found her face. She felt a lot better. Not good. But better. She had to admit that.

Keefe stared out the window as he mindlessly drew in one of his notepads. He wasn't sure what exactly he was drawing, his hands were doing their own thing. He stared back down at the notebook. Without thinking, he continued drawing the yellow strands that had found their way onto the paper. He didn't know what he was doing but something about it felt right. Like the art was making itself. After a few minutes of artfully dashing different colors across the sketch, he stopped suddenly. His heart stopped in his throat. He dropped the colored pencil.

"No," he whispered.

"NO!" he shouted louder. He felt tears drop onto his cheeks.

The drawing was of Sophie. He wasn't even trying and he drew her. She stood smiling against a background of colorful flowers, vines brilliantly twisting on an overgrown wall. So beautiful but it hurt to look at the girl he used to be with.

"Whyy" he groaned. He couldn't forget her for a second. Every time he thought he did, something brought him back. Whenever he tried to take a step forward onto this shaky ground, something knocked him three steps back. He grabbed a fistful of paintbrushes and squeezed them in his hand as he painfully replayed the memories.

First she said she hated him..then loved him. That she never wanted to see him again, then did want him..but couldn't. Couldn't go back to how things were before he majorly screwed up.

The paintbrushes splintered into pieces. He didn't understand.

Suddenly, in a burst of anger and frustration, he threw the paintbrush along with the glass jar they sat in across the room. They shattered against the ground just like his spirit. He dropped to his knees and sobbed pathetically. His heart was contorted in confusion.

"Do you love me, want me, hate me? I don't understand."

He curled his knees into his chest as more tears fell down his cheeks and rained onto his rug. "I just don't understand."

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed! Until next time, my lovely readers!❤️