Signal of Distress

44 - Missed

~ Quite Miss Home - James Arthur ~
❤︎❤︎❤︎

I hope the stars treat you better than this cruel world -River Mitchell

"River? You ready?!" Micheal calls out.

I walk out of the room and into the living room. "Yeah, I'm ready," I sigh as I straighten out my black dress. Micheal is dressed in a black suit.

He gives me a small smile and holds his hand out to me. I take the friendly gesture and allow him to lead us out of his apartment and downstairs to his car.

I've been staying here in Eli's room ever since the day I found out he died. The day I found out he killed himself.

He left around 6am in the morning and hiked the twenty minutes. He jumped without hesitation. His car was left at the bottom of the hill and his shoes at the top.

I'm angry.

I'm mad he broke his promise. I promise to never hurt myself was a lie. He killed himself. I promise to never leave you was another lie. He killed himself. I promise to never hurt you was another lie. He killed himself.

I'm mad at myself. Every time he told me he was okay and he was fine I believed him. I should've known there was something more to it. I should've known when he asked me to marry him and bear his children. When he gave me his chain. When he hurt himself.

I'm mad I couldn't be there for him. I'm mad I couldn't take away the date he already had set. I'm mad I couldn't take away his pain like he did for me. I'm mad I couldn't do what he did for me, for him.

He helped me so much just being there. Just holding me, just kissing me he healed me and I couldn't do the same for him. I couldn't be his saviour but he was mine.

I want to join him in the stars but I know he wants me to stay. The only way I know how I can show him how much I love and care for him back as he watches over me is to stay.

"We're here. You need a second or are you ready?" Micheal asks. He's been amazing this whole time.

He knows everything about me. Eli told him everything from me being suicidal, when I self harmed, to losing my grandma and my poems. Everything.

He expects Micheal to take care of me. Which he has been the past few days. He'll stay in my room at night until I fall asleep from crying. He'll wake up and rush in if I'm having a nightmare about Eli. He'll bring me a meal if I don't feel like getting out of bed or help me when I feel sick.

He made a promise to Eli that he'd take care of me if anything were to happen to him- not knowing this was what Eli had planned. And Micheal has been keeping his promise. Eli left him his favourite and most important things including his grandfather's watch.

"Yeah, I'm ready." I get out of the car. Micheal rushes to my side and we walk in together. It's a closed casket funeral for Eli.

Fortunately he died instantly and felt no pain.

Unfortunately he died.

❤︎

There's this one girl I adore
I've never felt like this before

She's my everything and more
I love hearing her say "I'm yours"

I wish I didn't have to leave her
I don't want to but my head space is all a blur

She deserves more than she knows
And I want to show her before I go

I'll take her dancing in the rain
Her laughter temporarily taking away my pain