Bombs away

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"It's not what it looks like!" I panic, throwing the intoxicated cigarette on the asfault, squishing the heat with my boot toe

"Ha it's okayyyy," I look behind, Jesse

"Damnit! You scared the crap out of me! I thought you were Mike!" A wave of relief flush the worries out.

"Oh, I'll tell him now!" He dashed to my bus, where

Every
One
Is
Slleeeeeeepppinggggg

"No! They're-" Jesse rips the door open ending with a loud bang, and leaving a dent in the front of the bus.

"Oi! Keep the shit down!" Jaime hushes Jesse thinking its me.

"Carson was smokinggg" Jesse nags.
*face palm*

"Wut...?" Mike, still half asleep.

"Uhmm- I tried- but it- nothing-" fragments came out, nothing that would make sense.

"Hey, what's going on?" Vic, who finally arose, spoke up.

"Carson," long ass pause "smokes" mike's anger sheds through his skin, almost as if he's streaming from frustration.

"Now why would you do that?" Vic asks, sympathy. He knows I wouldn't do this, it wasn't my thing

"I just wanted to feel something other than depression!" I cracked. Every bone in my body broke with the last nerve I've been trying to keep.

I storm to the back lounge, not talking to anyone. I locked the door and cuddled up underneath the table.

*knockity knockity knock knock knock*

"Hey doll, can I come in?" Justin leaned against the door.

"Okay," I got up pushed the button, and crawled back under the shelter I've provided myself.

"Lock it" I sniffled out. He locked it and say under the table with me.

"You know, you shouldn't bundle up those feelings," he points to my heart,

"They'll explode, and no one will know where they came from. One little thing will set it off. A laugh, a word, or even a breath. They didn't take it personally, but they will sooner or later. Well you're feeling down, just remember, to let it out and start fresh. It shouldn't build up." He hugged me.

~*3 hours later *~

The bus was moving.

I'm with Justin.

I cried myself to sleep.

I sat up from the position I was in , on Justin's lap all cuddled into his chest.

" good morning doll, it's 6 am. C'mon, we should eat." He slid out, still carrying me. He opened the lounge door.

I was out like a fly.

•^•^•^•^•

"No, she shouldn't be smoking,"

"Why'd you introduce her to it?!" I hear faint noises of people, possibly the boys.

"Guys shut up, she's awake," Vic's voice rang through my ears. I sit up, instant thumps of pain shoot in my head

"Oh my goooodddd" I groan in my own self pity.

"Hey hey hey, are you okay?" Justin hurries to my side to help me sit up.

"Yeah I'm fine," lie

"That's a lie" Mike quietly taps his drum sticks on the counter.

"No it's not" I think to myself

"Stop saying your thoughts" shit

"Oh" I bet I look utterly confused.

"Why were you smoking"
"Smoking is bad for you"
"Do you know that smoking can kill you?!"
"Guys stop questioning her"
All of the sudden I was bombarded with questions that I certainly didn't have the answer to.

"Guys, please stop" my voice is rasp, and shaky.

"Guys, stop questioning her," Vic says from under my legs, that were perched up on his lap.

"I need to breathe," push the blanket that lays comfortably on my body and rush to the door.

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