Reverse Dipcifica Oneshots

All The Good Things (that I miss)

It was a strangely sunny and warm day in mid-January when Dipper decided to go visit her. It wasn't entirely his decision to seek her out, after all it had been years since it happened. Yet, Mabel had Scarlett sit him down and give him some 'tough love'.

Dipper was still rubbing the throbbing spot on his cheek from where she'd slapped him. Before, he had thought that the slap took things too far. But now, as he stood in front of the slab of stone, still lightly dusted with snow, he believed the slap was completely valid.

He saw the flowers that Mabel mentioned she left the last time she visited her, and they were Pacifica's favorite —chrysanthemums. Deep scarlet, and dying in the cold. Dipper couldn't help the shiver that raced up his spine at the dreadful irony they presented.

Dipper glanced down at the bouquet he had brought; bright yellow roses. He had learned from Mabel, who was a flower expert somehow, that yellow roses were often given at funerals, because they showed the deepest condolences.

Dipper didn't see them that way. He saw the yellow and thought of Pacifica's bright hair, her bright smile, her bright eyes. He saw the roses and thought all the way back to when they first met at the Tent of Telepathy. It was the best way, in his eyes, to express himself to her. Not that she could hear him.

Staying standing didn't present itself as the best option, so Dipper opted to kneel down, kneecaps digging right into the still-frozen ground. More shivers, but it was better than feeling nothing inside. How long had it been?

"Hey, sweetheart," Dipper began with a silent exhale that spoke loudly. "I miss your teeth, and your smile, I haven't seen them in awhile. . ." It had been five years. He remembered. Shifting his weight so he rested a little more comfortably on the ground, he cleared his throat. "Remember when you stole that keychain for me at —where was it you went again? Ah!— that store in Connecticut? God, you almost got caught, why didn't you just buy it? Or even ask your parents?" He laughed ruefully, as most of his laughs where these days.

The wind picked up a little bit, despite the sun, it felt as though it had dropped about ten degrees.

Dipper ducked his head down, burrowing into his own jacket that he, almost, had forgotten until Mabel tossed it on top of him from the balcony overhead.

"Speaking of your parents, I miss them, too." Dipper murmured so low, it was a wonder it was even spoken at all. Was he even speaking aloud? Or was he just reminiscing? "I haven't seen them since the funeral. I miss Gideon, too. It hasn't been the same since the both of you left. . ." That was a rather odd way to phrase it, but Dipper was certain that if she could even hear him, she would understand what he meant by that, exactly.

"I never had a kind of love like that, before you." Dipper mumbled. "And when you kissed my head and left me in your bed —the first time I spent the night at your place— to go to work, do you know what I was thinking? I don't, actually, but I do remember the feeling. I felt like. . ." expressing feelings was never one of his strong suits until her, and with her gone, they just sort of faded away again. He was better at describing it. "I felt like I could live right there for years and years to come."

Shaking his head, Dipper let out another rueful chuckle. "I mean, we were seventeen, so I think if we decided to live together, it would give both of our families a collective coronary. But, if you had asked me, I would've moved in in a heartbeat, because I loved you, and that's all it meant to me."

Remembering that day was something Dipper scarcely did, because of the accident. "And. . ." He steadied his breathing, "and when you left I was in tears."

He had to take a minute-long pause there, just to get himself to breathe normally, and just to blink the tears away from his eyes. In that moment, Dipper relished in the feeling of all the feeling drifting out of him. He could no longer feel the frigid snow cutting into his knees like small daggers, couldn't feel the warmth of the sun on his exposed neck.

Feeling things, and expressing them around Pacifica was a slow process. It hadn't been an easy one, there were always setbacks, yet she never grew frustrated with him about it. It was beautiful, and relaxing, when Dipper finally found that he could be open with her. She helped him. He only wished he had done a better job of helping her.

He hated the feeling of emptiness. There was something no longer there in his chest that should've been there.

Keep talking. His consciousness prodded.

With a gulp, he began again. "I miss your hair, and your nose. I miss the smell of your clothes. . .the way you would glare at me when I paid the bill at dinner." His brain was moving too fast, recalling to many memories that hurt to recall. They grew jumbled. "Remember when you took me to Niagara Falls and we strayed away from my family just so we could take photos all night long? One of the first vacations that I went on with you and enjoyed."

He laughed again, this one sounding a little too genuine for his liking. "God, my parents called the police because they thought I was kidnapped for ransom." Unbeknownst to Dipper, his fingers started fiddling with the chain around his neck, right where the promise ring hung. "I can't believe I'm the one you chose, Pazzie. I can't believe it. I. . .couldn't believe it then, and I still can't believe it now."

The ring was cool to the touch, but the diamond in the center still shone with a brilliant light. "But when you looked me in the eyes, I froze and it took me by surprise. Your answer did. You did. How was I to know what would come after?"

The accident. The fact that he could've tried harder to convince her to stay.

"I suppose that guilt will eat me alive someday." He murmured, still fiddling with the ring that shouldn't have been on the chain. It should've been on her hand. "I'm sure you know that this is quite difficult for me; being so open when you left me so closed. . .but you were patient with me. You saw me triumph, and you saw me at one of my all time lows."

Dropping the chain from his grasp, Dipper reached up to scrub angrily at his eyes. This expel of emotion was something he hadn't had in such a long time. There was no one to blame, yet he knew if she were still around she would be apologizing so profusely. "And, Paz —sweetheart— you don't have to apologize for the hole you left in me."

Another moment or two to breathe. Borderline hyperventilating was something that could not help the situation he was in. "I, I want you to know that I have a lover and I have a best friend, so I'm doing well. I hope that, somehow, you can listen to this and hear me. She does not replace every loving memory I have, because you'll always be my first kiss."

A shaky breath. "B-but I have a life now, and I-I've learned my lesson. I'm growing up and doing big things for me. . .I'm sure Mabel has spoken of it. But you'll always be on the list I keep locked away in my head; of all the good things that I miss."

Arranging the bouquet to rest a little more comfortably against the stone —without disrupting Mabel's dying chrysanthemums, it wouldn't be right for him to throw them out—, he closed his eyes and tried to think of her smiling. "You're all the good things that I miss."

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Oh boy, that was a sad one. Way to bring back the oneshots with a tear-jerker, Kaori🤦‍♀️

Have I decided now that in every story I write that Galentino will be a thing? Yes. You can't stop me 😂😂. Have I also come up with like two new books (not including Break The Rules and Destinies Collide)? Yes. I can't help myself. Can't stop, won't stop.

I'm back from my week or so hiatus and doing better so enjoy some more sporadic updates because I have no updating schedule and every time I tried to implement them it failed horribly. Self-fulfilling prophecy, maybe? Probably 😂

Keep requesting as I try to write them without thinking they need to be borderline 5k words! Stay safe out there and keep smiling my lovelies!

-Kaori Miyazono <3