Falling Of The Rules

Chapter 17.

"No, you definitely should've come to me, baby, but before this, you didn't have to see him, you didn't have to leave."

"I'm sorry." He apologizes again.

"I need to ring you an ambulance, you're bleeding a lot." I tell him and he shakes his head quickly.

"No, no, no. Please, just take me back with you, I don't want to go to hospital." He says.

"You need some help, I can't help you at home." I look down at him again, taking in the sight of his arms. "It'll only be for a few hours, you can come back to the apartment then."

"I can't, they'll ring me dad and then- and then he'll find out I didn't so it properly, I can't let him know that I tried, I can't fail him again."

I think I'm having a stroke because I can't have heard that correctly. His father, the man that raised him, told his own son to kill himself?

What the actual fuck?

"What do you mean?" I ask with a confused frown. I need to clear my doubts, they can't be true, his father wouldn't do this, would he?

"He told me to."

A punch to the gut.

It honestly feels like all the air has just been knocked out of me and I can't fucking breathe.

His father did this.

"He told you to do this?" I ask and he nods weakly. "I- what? I can't not let you get help, you're bleeding, like a lot, Caleb. I don't want you getting ill."

"I won't, I won't." He lets out a sigh.

"How are you so certain?"

"It was clean, the razor was clean and I didn't cut too deep, it'll stop bleeding soon."

"Caleb, please don't make me regret this." I look up at his eyes, those eyes I've seen many times but never have I seen so broken. Despite his fragile state and the bloodshot eyes, they are brighter that I've ever seen them. How can he look so beautiful, even when he's broken?

"You won't, I promise. I just want to get laid in bed with you, I want it to calm down."

"Okay." I nod, "It's a good thing the shop's empty, huh?"

"I didn't really think it through." He mumbles.

"It's fine, let's just go." I tell him and he lets out a shaky breath, "You're okay now, I've got you."

"I'm so sorry."

~~

I've never been good with feelings, mainly because I was taught my whole childhood to suppress such a thing, but since college I've come quite familiar with them.

With sadness, although I'm a stranger to it, I know how to cope with it now and it isn't exactly the biggest shock to the system like it first was, but with something like guilt and regret it sends me into uncharted territory.

I should've rang his friends. I should've drove by the frat house. There were so many sleepless nights where I was so close to grabbing my keys and going round there, but I thought of myself as being ridiculous, that Caleb would be fine, and I'm just being clingy.

I should've checked on him.

"Your shirt, I ruined it." He frowns as yet more tears spill from his eyes.

"It's okay, it's fine." I assure him.

"I ruined it." He repeats in a whisper and I follow his eyes, looking down at the white fabric soaked with blood.