The Wall | Yejisu

Chapter 4

Lia's POV
/ At night, when Lia lay on the bed with music on

I didn't expect to see Yeji today. She told me her name this afternoon, so I use "Yeji" instead of calling her "that girl"

I didn't expect it. I thought she would say sorry to me like others and walked away as if nothing happened. That was what I thought when I walked back home with my knees bleeding yesterday. I was tired of hearing any sorry to me.

But Yeji talked to me and wanted to have a little chat tomorrow! A feeling slowly expanded in my heart. I think I'm happy.

    After a long time, she was probably the first one that cared about me. The first one that said sorry but didn't walk away.

For me, everything seems like a first time after all that happened in the past. I try not to recall and I believe that I can erase the memories some day. But I never do. Whenever things happen, those memories pop up.

Like I said, one says sorry and then walks away. Perhaps, I should say it more clearly because I remember, mom didn't apologise to any one of us.

I loved mom and dad. My dad was a musician. He always traveled from this city to another, playing the piano or violin. He was like a leaf. When there was a wind, he would follow. So we rarely had time with each other.

    When it was my birthday, he would make a short video to make me happy. I wanted him to come back so much but it seemed impossible. So, most of the time I lived with mom and I loved her more than dad. Just, a little bit more.

    She took the duty of dad. She cooked for me, watched me doing homework and played with me. We were like friends. I was her sidekick and wherever she went, I would follow as well. Even though dad was often absent, we had a good time.

And one afternoon, I was hungry in my bedroom and felt like eating something. I walked downstairs, but found mom talking angrily on the phone.

    She was talking with dad and it was my first time to hear mom saying dad's name. She often called him babe or something. I guessed something went wrong and tried not to dig into it.

Yes, something went wrong and worsened faster than I could imagine. Mom and I didn't eat together anymore. She even skipped dinner for I didn't know how many times. I finished dinner at convenience store and went back home.

    She always put on that face and I found new wrinkles on her forehead. She sank into sofa and drank. She didn't drink like crazy but I didn't like how she smelled then.

Time flew. When the autumn was around the corner, dad finally came home and stayed here for entire months. I was more than happy to see him! but mom didn't.

    They had quarrel every day. Even if I was in my bedroom with pillows covering my ears, I could still hear. Mom didn't love dad anymore. That was the conclusion I got at that time.

At the last weekend of this month, mom left us. It was a weekend that you wanted to go out and have short trip. But from the early morning, two of them yelled and shouted downstairs.

    I heard something hit the floor and ran down to check. Mom stood beside the door and pulled two baggage. Dad just stood there, one hand on his forehead. He looked tired and older than I thought. Nervous, I asked mom why she needed two baggage.

"I am leaving this home. Lia"
"Why?! Dad and I are still here!" I was so scared to hear mom say anything.
"No more. Lia. No more!"

Then she pushed open the door and walked out.

"I go with you, mom! mom!!" I said to her and dragged her clothes. She was on the doorstep.

You know what she said the next?

"Never let me see you again. Lia. You remind me of that man" she said it coldly and so hurtful. My hand loosened and just watched her drive off in a car.

From that day, dad didn't play the piano or violin anymore. He looked like a lost soul. Every time I saw him, he was either on the sofa or in his room. He rarely drank but he looked more uncomfortable than being drunk.

    Some days he was fine. He would read the newspapers and had a cup of black tea. Some days he sank into sorrow and looked like an old man.

    Dad and I were like roommates since then. We avoided talking about things related to mom. That was best for both of us. Not to touch it and try to forget it.

If love is something that can be broken over night, I don't wanna believe it. If loving someone means that I will be hurt so bad in the end, I don't want it.

/ Lia sat up and changed the vinyl for another, the music slowly appeared.

And, I no longer want a friendship.

    Mom, dad and I changed where we lived quite often due to his job. Sometimes he would stay at a city for months and we would move there to stay with him.

Here came with my problems on education. I needed to transfer from this school to another. In my junior year, three years, I had five different uniforms in my closet.

    It wasn't easy for me to make friends with others. Before I was close enough to hang out with classmates, I had been transferred.

    At first I was bothered by this arrangement. But little by little, I kind of got used to it. I missed some of them, but this feeling wouldn't last long.

    Maybe it was me protecting myself. I chose not to get too close to them, otherwise I would end up feeling down when I leave.

    But in the fifth junior school I stayed, I met two friends that I really didn't want to leave them. They were Jocelyn and Eleanor. They treated me so well. Even though I refused to get too close to anyone, I couldn't resist them. They were two sweet girls.

    I hanged out with them. We went to parties, stayed overnight in each other's places and went to school together. It was the best thing in my life after mom left me.

    I only stayed at that town for four months, from summer to the middle autumn. I believed I would see them again and we would stay in touch in the high school. They promised me.

    But they broke it.

    I lost contact with them. I even tried writing letters to their address, but received nothing. In the last call, they said they would join my spring trip. It was a three days trip, just three of us.

    I had planned it but they never showed up, which hit me hard. I never got to know why they refused to come.

    Am I a friend of them? Did they really care about me? I kept asking me like this. Much like torturing myself with these questions. In the end, I found I was hurt again.

    I went away in head to find a reason for it. I then realised our friendship is like a rubber band. Even though I think it's strong enough, but as long as you pull from two sides, it still broke.

    And even if it didn't break, if one side lets go off the hand, the other side holding it is gonna be hit. I still hold it, so I feel the pain.

    The next week, they called me and apologised. I couldn't remember the content. I felt numb. A few days later, I got transferred.

    That is why I live in the old town now. Dad liked the place where it had beach. And more importantly, it's cheaper to live in old town.

/ Again, Lia sat up to change the vinyl. But she put it aside and just turned on the cellphone for stream music. She placed it on the pillow.

    Hey, Let's not make this night seems so blue.

    Actually, I'm better now after all I have been through. I can't say I'm feeling good, but time really helped. It made things not so painful to me.

    And when I felt low, I always turned to music and singing. The lyrics knew me and the melody flew with my emotion. It was like my shelter. As long as the songs were played, I didn't need to worry about anything else.

    And thinking of tomorrow, maybe I can share some songs with Yeji. She would like it. I find myself a bit looking forward to it.

/ zzzZZZ