FOREVER. newt

twelve. traitor

This is the first time I saw Newt properly cry.

Newt cried as if the ferocity of it might remove the virus from his body; as if by the sheer force of his grief the disease would be undone. The boy I love so much is on his knees on the floor, now facing the back wall, screaming and crying. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, his whole face is red, and he started to scream in agony at the very top of his lungs.

His upper body and shoulders wrack with every sob that forces their way out, chest rising and falling unevenly as he gasps for breath, and he squeezes his eyes shut, balling his hands into fists each time he throws his head back to let out a blood curdling scream.

"I'm here for you, Newt. I know, I failed by the past but I'm here." Moving my hand to grab one of his, I squeeze it softly and tenderly. "I will always be there, whatever it is."

"I'm sorry.... I'm sorry, Nini. I'm sorry..." Newt whispers as he attempts to steady his breathing, turning so he could sit on the floor, leaning his back on the wall.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Newt." I mumble, his hand still in mine. How is this possible? Newt never got bit. I never remember him getting bitten; and even if he did hide a bite, there is nothing in his body. No signs at all.

"I'm not lying, Nini..." Newt mumbles, his head tilted back against the wood as he grimaces in pain, the tears that had welled up in his eyes falling down as he blinked them away. "I didn't get bit. But apparently it doesn't matter anymore."

If he didn't get bit; that means the Virus is airborne. The compound we were staying in was full of sick people just like Lawrence; maybe that's why he got infected.

"I'm not lying, Nini." he croaks out, his voice cracking. "I promise. I promise I'm not lying."

"I know, Newt. I'll always trust you. I'll trust you always and forever. I'll help you, okay? I can help you. I can fix you."

But I don't think I can fix myself anymore at this point.

The priority was Newt— I need to save him.

Even if I don't save myself.

—

Always and forever.

What a strange combination of words that sound well together. A literary device that evokes strange emotions, a mixture of wonder and fulfilment, a lament of betrayal and sin, a vortex of unavoidable regret.

Sometimes I wonder whether the sound of how a word is pronounced, the different glands, muscles, and veins it triggers in our throat, tongue, and subsequently the ears have any bearing on its meaning. Why is tone of a voice so important, where a subtle change in the undertone, the volume, and the emphasis on a certain syllable makes a significant difference?

Always and forever. A common promise made use of by people all over the world, in literature, in horror, in poetry, and in song. Has a nice ring to it, has a nice tenor to it, the rhythm of the alphabet 'd' in the word 'and' a soft hump on the road towards a deeper meaning.

For the last few minutes, I felt like this was the most human I've ever felt. Alone. In the bathroom. I wonder the futility of us trying to communicate using vocabulary simply to increase length. How we mired ourselves into going in many directions in vain to fulfill the demands of word length, format, style, oh god, where do I even stop?

As strange and vicious is this circle we embroiled ourselves into, I cannot help but wonder at the beauty of its simplicity. A girl of few words, it seems I could always understand its importance. Never could I fathom the overuse of words, the unabashed display of words that don't hold back, the slow decline in the objective of communicating effectively.