TORTURED SOUL, general kirigan ✔

CHAPTER FOUR

She wondered through to the dining room and looked around in the gloom. The candles had long been blown out and now all she could see was shapes of chairs in the gloom. The moonlight pouring through the windows as she crossed over to the table. Her fingers tapping against the wood as she made a circle around them.

"I thought I heard noise," The voice of General Kirigan startled Liliya. Her head snapping up. He was stood in the doorway of the room. The hallway was still lit up and the light leaked in around his figure. His face in shadows. She smiled and lifted her hands to rest against her kefta. She hadn't even bothered to change.

"I didn't know anyone was awake," She admitted as she glanced around the room. Half of her was searching for a way out, the other half of her just didn't want to look at him. He nodded and then stepped into the room, the door closing behind him as he moved in front of her. She lifted her head but still avoided his gaze.

"Are you having trouble sleeping again?" He asked, his voice soft. He was calm as always but gentle. It made Liliya want to spill her secrets, it made her weak at the knees. Though Kirigan always made her feel like that. Liliya shrugged and pushed her fingers through her hair.

"No. Everything is fine," Liliya lied. His body was so close to hers, a foot or so between them and she had to get away. Sliding past, she crossed over to the door that led out of the room. But Kirigan reached for her arm, taking a gentle hold of it. She turned around and sent him a tentative smile. He must have knew she was lying.

"Are you having trouble sleeping?" He repeated. His face gave nothing away but she knew that she couldn't lie. He knew and she had already lost his trust. Her own stubbornness was ruining everything so she just sighed.

"Yes," She said and he raised an eyebrow. He was urging her on, so she continued, "Ever since the Shu boy attacked me, I'm not sleeping as well as usual. It was why I refused to go the Healers. They would recognise my exhaustion and next thing Ivan would be forcing me to sleep. He already is suspicious of me being exhausted," Liliya found herself ranting, unable to stop herself talking, "But I'm fine and it will stop in a few days. It's just some night terrors and I've always been able to get over them. Just after you left, I felt entirely useless. I had no mission and I was hurt which didn't help with me sleeping. Then Genya kept making me look like this which I appreciate, nobody could see how exhausted I have been but it makes me feel like a fraud. I'm perfect without it and it somehow makes me feel worse. Genya is wonderful and I adore her but I want to feel like me. But I also have a reputation to upkeep. I'm supposed to be perfection as one of your closest advisors, allies, I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. You don't trust me any longer and now there may be the Sun Summoner which I'm sure is wonderful but how can I trust him if he is the one that hurt me? I-" Liliya abruptly paused. She shook her head and chuckled softly, "Oh Saints, I didn't mean to say that..." Liliya quickly tried to cover her own back. An incoherent tumble of apologies and take-backs leaving her lips before she felt his hand on the side of her face. Once again, she abruptly cut herself off.

"I trust you, Liya," He declared as he looked down into her eyes. The redhead felt herself flush, the heat rushing to her cheeks but the red was disguised due to the shadows that surrounded them, "I simply do not want you to go after the Sun Summoner," He finished. Liliya nodded in response. The warmth of his fingers against her cheek only making her flush worse. She hoped that he couldn't feel it or see it. It was so hard to see anything in the gloom of the night.

"I'm fine," Liliya said. Wanting to avoid any fuss being made. Genya or Ivan knowing would be a disaster and the doting would likely get worse. More from Genya, Ivan would likely just try to help her sleep with the use of his abilities. Either way, none of that seemed like a good idea. She just wanted to work through it. Like she did everything else.