HEART LIES

SO GONE

"Oh, if it's about that, no worries, I've seen periods before. One of Myeong's ex-girlfriends left tampons and other things in the bath if you need."

His comment made the tears trickle down Sonmi's cheek, "periods you say, periods."

"Those blood stains are perㅡ," Jae stopped as he tried to think of all the situations in which women bled.

"Come on, Sonmi, chill, stop freaking out. I mean, it's not like you were a virgin."

The expression on her face made Jae want to crawl under a rock, "don't tell meㅡ."

"My life is ruined," Sonmi said as she slicked her hair back like her mother did when in panic.

"Sonmi, I'm sorry, I didn'tㅡ."

"If you did, would you have stopped?"

"Hey, it wasn't one-sided. We were two."

"I was drunk, Jae; I was drunk."

"Listen, I'm sorry."

Sonmi walked to the door.

"Sonmi, wait," Jae yelled, following her.

Myeong sat in a robe watching the morning news in the living room, "Sonmi annyeong," he said with a smirk.

The thought that even Myeong knew made the girl rush to the door, where she hurried to put on her shoes.

"Sonmi, wait," Jae said in a last attempt to talk with her.

"My coat, where's my coat? Sonmi yelled.

"I'll go and get it," Jae said in panic before rushing back to his room and fetching her jacket for her. Sonmi ripped it from his hands and opened the door.

"Wait, Sonmi; I'll drive you."

The scorching stare of hate made Jae reformulate, "I'll call a taxi."

"I don't want to spend one more second in your presence," Sonmi said, slamming the door.

She was gone, leaving Jae to grasp his head in frustration.

"What happened, man?" Myeong asked as Jae came back to the living room.

"I think I took her virginity. "

Myeong whistled, "ouch, that's a lousy ploy you played there.

It was a rule they had, never virgins. The fab four hated sleeping with virgins; each of them had their reasons.

Ji-Seong hated it because the girls became clingy, thinking they were destined to marry.

Myeong and Shin Jun hated spending the night with a woman who lacked experience.

For Jae, it was because the first time was not supposed to be on a one-night-stand. The man felt like a thief, and that's what Jae was. Even if he was too drunk, the man was self-conscious. Jae convinced himself he was not doing wrong as Sonmi returned the kiss.

Guilt invaded him and started to nibble his consciousness; he took something precious from Sonmi in a vulgar way. If at least it was his best performance, but with the alcohol in his system, all he gave was cheap sex. The impression killed him for his feelings for Sonmi were sincere, and from the looks of things, she was not going to forgive him anytime soon.

"Myeong, can you promise me one thing," Jae said, scratching his forehead."

"What?"

"Don't tell Ji-Seong."

"Sure, no problem," Myeong replied while zapping channels.

Jae did not feel reassured by Myeong's answer; the man was the king of slip-ups.

He went back to his room, where his eyes roamed on the bed stopping on the tinted part of the sheets; he tried to remember if there were any signs.

All that came to mind was how Sonmi grasped him at one point during the first instances. He mistook the gesture as a form of excitement when, in fact, the young woman probably gripped them to control the pain.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," Jae said, slapping himself on the head before proceeding to change his bed set.

He had messed up, and all he could think of was how to make it up to her.

Sonmi wanted to talk to someone, and it frustrated her only to see her mother's face come to mind as she entered the room she shared with Eun-Young and Ha-Na.

Her roommates were laughing, and at the sight of her, Ha-Na got up and left the room.

"Eun-Young, why didn't you wait for me? Why didn't you stop me from going to his room?" Was all Sonmi managed to say to her roommate?

"I'm I your keeper?" Eun-Young replied before getting up and leaving the room too. The sound of the slamming door rushed the tears to Sonmi's eyes.

Sonmi hated herself; Jae was right; they were two. The evening's flashes kept coming back; she provoked it because she liked how the man looked at her and the attention. Jae gave Sonmi what she desired from Ji-Seong. Even when she kissed him back, she imagined Ji- Seong.

The young woman knew it would happen someday, sex was almost one of life's must-have, but it was not supposed to be this way.