Threshold - Severus Snape

Chapter 24 - Whispering Our Love

Severus was a powerfully passionate man, and my own passionate nature drew me to him now. As he kissed and licked each of my nipples in turn, his hands grasping and stroking my breasts, my stomach contracted, pulling my hips forward, as if carnal instinct had taken over my body. He groaned his pleasure as he wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me into him, rocking me on his lap. I picked up the rhythm, moving seductively on him, moaning my own pleasure. He slipped his hand under me, his fingers rubbing me through my panties. "Avia...you're so wet... I want to make love to you," he said, his voice deep with desire. I moaned my need for him, and he groaned against my neck. Both of our breaths were heaving, our bodies moving roughly against each other's, our passion driving us to an inevitable end. It was a lot, and it was almost too much, and I suddenly got the feeling that it was too soon.

No?! Why!? I thought, wondering why my mind wasn't listening to what my body was saying... screaming to be heard. My body was definitely ready, but I couldn't stop my brain from feeling like I was pushing too hard too fast. Severus and I had shared some wonderfully intimate moments, and I had so much emotion and desire for him, but I was afraid that even some of that came from my familiarity of him from my previous life. I just wasn't ready. I slowed, leaning in to place sweet kisses on his forehead, and as he raised his face to mine, I trailed gentle kisses on his face down to his lips, taking his face in my hands. He stroked my back with his hands as his rough breathing eased, and he must have sensed my hesitation, slowing the pace of his own passion. He brought his hands to take my face in his, returning my soft kiss. 

"You are incredible, Avia," Severus said as he slowly pulled away from me, and his words touched me, especially considering I had just pulled us back from the brink.

"And you are amazing, Severus," I replied as we held one another, our foreheads resting on each other's.  I started to move to get off of his lap, and he quickly placed his hands on my waist.

"Not yet, please," he said, a small smile reaching his lips. I smiled back, perfectly comfortable staying on his lap. "Maybe now would be a good time to have our regrettably dour discussion. I can at least enjoy the pleasure of your present company as we speak of my painful past," he said.

I settled in, turning to sit across his lap as he pulled me in closer. "There are pieces of my past and present for which I hold irrevocable regret," he said, starting off slowly. He smiled tenderly at me a moment before speaking again, "I loved once... her name was Lily, and although our love was not mutual, the pain from that realization drove me to choose a path that I will never be able to atone for. Even though Professor Dumbledore pulled me from that path, the repercussions of my past weakness are inescapable."  He talked softly as I listened, neither of us looking at the other now. He stared off towards some fixed point in the room, and I moved my arm around him to rest on his shoulder as he stroked my thigh absently. Suddenly, he pulled the sleeve up on his arm, revealing his Death Eater mark, and I tried not to gasp at the sight of it. I knew he was a Death Eater, of course, but I had never seen his mark. It was a vivid reminder of The Dark lord, and Severus's allegiance to him so many years ago. I could not imagine the atrocities committed in Voldemort's name, and I could not fathom this man being a part of it. I closed my eyes, pushing the dark thoughts from my mind. This was not that man, not completely, and even though it was not my place to forgive him for his transgressions, I knew that I needed to in order to move forward.

"I am so very sorry for the pain in your past, Severus, and I'm sorry I can't take that pain from you. I also know that your past has caused others pain... But I forgive you, Severus. I know that you aren't asking for that, but I do," I said, moving my hand to softly stroke his hair. I felt him draw in a deep breath and slowly let it out. He grasped my chin with his fingers, gently pulling my face towards his, our eyes meeting.