Threshold - Severus Snape

Chapter 12 - Fire In His Eyes

Severus refilled my glass, and this round he poured himself a glass of the Elf-made wine. I was still glowing from my first glass, so I was a little curious what the second glass would do. I also wondered if it would have the same effect on Severus as I had experienced. I kept a close eye on him as he sat and took a few drinks before speaking.

Hm... there it was, I thought, as I noticed him close his eyes for a brief moment as if savoring the warm intoxication coursing slowly through his body. He opened his eyes suddenly to look into mine, seeing me watching him, and there was something almost erotic about sharing the pleasurable experience with him.  My thoughts suddenly imagined his eyes looking into mine in different circumstances, perhaps where there were less clothes involved, and much less space between our bodies, and his eyebrow rose as if, once again, he could see into me.

He sighed, then looked down at his drink as a wave of shyness passed over his features. He took another drink of his wine, as if not yet ready to divulge. It suddenly dawned on me that he may also have needed to take the edge off to feel more comfortable around me.

"Do I scare you, Severus?" I asked, not sure that he wouldn't be offended by the question.

He smiled a little sheepishly, "I almost wish now I had not been so firm handed about being honest," he said, and I smiled at his unexpected humor, meeting his eyes again to encourage him to continue with his openness. "I will admit that I have experienced some nervous tension in your presence, although I wouldn't go so far as to say I am frightened of you," he offered, and we both smiled at that. "I am however, frightened at the unexpected emotions I feel in your presence." That admission surprised me a little. I knew I had a crush on him, for lack of better words, but I wouldn't have imagined that he felt the same about me.

"So..." he took a deep breath and continued, "To answer your question, the fire in my eyes is stoked by a regret and a promise, encircled by a ring of pain and obligations.  I have come to rely on that impenetrable barrier, and when I met you, as if for the first time yesterday, I was met with the unexpected, but not unpleasant, feeling that you had somehow breached that barrier."

Wow! He just said all of that, and not only did I understand every word, I felt his implied meaning to my soul. I felt he was a little at a disadvantage since I already knew his tragic backstory. I also didn't necessarily feel that I would be the cure all for his pain... that would be exceedingly arrogant on my part. I was, however, open to the possibility that my being here was for a reason, and that reason could transcend the challenge of simply saving this man from death. Maybe we were even meant to find a deeper meaning for each other, one that gave each of us a focus for our seemingly mutual inner fire... one that was more than just regrets and obligations.

"And speaking of breaching barriers..." he said, leaning forward in his chair again to roll his glass between his hands... No, he did not just go there, I thought, but when he continued, I felt a little small for where my thoughts had went, "I can see that same reservation in your nature, along with pain and regret, although I think that you try to hide it...sometimes with a smile, sometimes with humor, but I can see your inner courage, and I wonder if you could use that courage to share your pain instead of enduring it in solitude," he said more softly, and I pondered his insight into my own nature.

I took a deep breath. That was a lot. "I can see some truth to that. As much as I consider humor to be an invaluable part of a relationship, I often look to it as a shield, as I find some comfort in a level of casualness in relationships, because anything deeper might prove to be more painful than I'm willing to risk. So my courage could also be my lack there of," I replied, finding our conversation to be deeper than I had really ever expected from this man.

"I see no lacking," he said, peering into me, and I could see now that the physical attractiveness of him was only a layer, and underneath he had so much more to offer.

He seemed real, and raw, and I will admit that it shook me a little. Although I will always value the youthful, easy going side of myself, Severus seemed to see a side of me that was more of a mature woman, one that was not afraid to look fear and pain in the eyes and say, 'I am courageous.' That side of me reached forward, and I placed my hand on his hand, "Thank you Severus. You have helped me find some honesty about myself that I know will serve me well."

He took my hand in his, and grasped it firmly, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. "You're welcome. I too have found honesty for myself, and I appreciate that more than I could tell you," he said, suddenly leaning forward, breaching the distance between us to where his lips were only a breath away from mine. He met my eyes, and finding no reservation in them, he pressed his lips against mine. It was a kiss like no other, his lips simply pressing against mine, and yet I could never describe the powerful emotions this connection conveyed. My eyes were closed, and when he broke the connection to sit back down in his chair, I opened them to meet the fire in his eyes with my own.