Aphrodite Reviews

eighteen | over step

Book: Over Step

Author: dre_young4

Genre: teen fic

COVER

So, I'm going, to be honest with you, I don't think the cover was very appealing. Covers are one of the first things a reader sees, so is an important aspect of a book. I recommend a cover that stands out.  Perhaps look into graphics shops on Wattpad. If you need some recommendations, feel free to ask.

BLURB

So there were quite a few grammatical issues like capitalisation and comma misuse. The structure also wasn't ideal. I have re-written this for you and placed them side by side, so you can compare them. Feel free to use the edited version.

Original: this is a story of a girl who lives in a city, called Corks City, its filled with gangs and unright people. This girl is named, Zoey plex, she's known at hr school as the over stepper, she's the one who tests others till they will explode. She's also a leader of the gang called-BLOSSYRAMS. Cork city is a crumbling place, so Zoey stays on her side and protects it, keeping the bad away from her side of Corks city, well at least the best she can.

Edited: This is the story of a girl who lives in Corks City. A dangerous place, full of gangs and unright people. Zoe Plex, better known at her school as the,' over stepper,'  is constantly testing others. Desperate to protect her side of the crumbling city, she leads a gang called BLOSSYRAMS. They strive to keep the bad away from their side of Cork city, well at least the best as they can.

SPAG

So this was a major issue in the book and errors were consistent throughout. I do recommend getting an editor. However, here are some corrections:

Original: 'Is it just me or did you say you like me.'

Edited: 'Is it just me, or did you say you like me?'

It's a question, so make sure you are using the correct punctuation.

Original: 'Your over your head,'

Edited: 'You're in over your head,'

'Your' is possessive, whilst 'you're' is the contradiction of 'you are.' Make sure that when using these terms, they are in the right context. Also, the phrase has an, 'in.'

Original: 'It was to far.'

Edited: 'It was too far.'

Original: 'are cut lose.'

Edited: 'are cut loose.'

Original: 'where here alone.'

Edited: 'we're here alone.'

Also, capitalisation was an issue I spotted. Names, 'I's and beginning of sentences, were often not capitalised. I'm not going to list all errors as the list is extensive.

Whole paragraphs were often consistent in errors and didn't make much sense. Again, I recommend an editor, but if you would like me to rewrite some bits, let me know.

DIALOGUE

A new speaker calls for a new line and so make sure you are doing this. The structure of a book is very important. Also, in Chapter 5, you wrote:

'I scream, "insert dialogue," I tease...'

So, this is contradicting itself and sounds odd. I recommend taking one of these out. Also, I think using the term, 'scream,' is quite excessive in this situation. Think about screaming, not shouting, screaming this sentence. I don't think it suited the character.

CHAPTER NAMES

There wasn't really an order to this, and it looked pretty random. I recommend choosing names that relate, for example:

Chapter 1 could be - He likes me?

Chapter 2 could be - Pitbull

If you can't think of names, perhaps just name them 1 through 12.

CHAPTERS

I just wanted to mention the content of the chapters too, as I was extremely lost. It was just random scenes put together to create a 'novel.' Also, the chapters were very short and had little to no expansion. Chapters could've been merged too. I think the book itself started on '1,' but I'm not sure what the random chapters were for.

VOICE

I think you definitely had a clear and unique voice. I liked it. However, you need to use that voice effectively as I don't think your novel really stood out or had much depth to it.

THOUGHTS

So I noticed you placed extra thoughts in brackets. As the whole thing is in the POV of Zoey this is not needed. If you do want to distinguish what is in brackets, perhaps just put them in italics and leave the brackets out.

PARAGRAPH

So I've mentioned structure a lot, but I felt this issue was important to address. You would often start paragraphs with the full stop at the start of the new one, instead of at the end of the last one. This was pretty confusing. I'm not sure if this formatting was accidental, but regardless it needs to be fixed. To avoid accidental mistakes, I recommend reading through chapters before publishing.

OVERALL

As I said, you have the voice and passion, but you need to put it into use. Feel free to PM if you need chapters edited or want me to expand on any points. I wish you luck with this, and other novels and hope I am able to witness your progression!

▹There are so many of you awaiting reviews atm and I am trying to get around to them. However, please acknowledge that I have a life, and that also comes with personal issues too, so please be patient loves xx

- Aphrodite