Aphrodite Reviews

twelve | you must remember this

Book: You Must Remember This

Author: FranklinBarnes

Genre: teen fic/ satire/ romance

COVER

So I know that we shouldn't judge a book by a cover and that it mostly does not reflect the work. However, this is Wattpad. And if we want to get noticed, we either need to have an extremely cliche storyline or an eye-catching cover. Your cover was a little dull and I felt you could've used images that reflected on the story!

CHAPTER LENGTH

So some chapters were as long as 22 minutes. It is important to remember that a lot of users on this platform do not have a large attention span. Even though your book is amazing, readers may be demotivated to continue further due to the extensive chapters. Perhaps consider having 'Part A' and 'Part B.' If you are adamant that you want chapter length to stay this way, perhaps break down paragraphs into smaller ones.

VOCABULARY

This was extremely mature. The vocabulary aided in creating vivid scenes which were extremely enjoyable to read! However, I'm not sure if there was an overuse of vocab. Sentences were crammed full of advanced vocabulary and this sort of disrupted the flow.

IMAGERY

The imagery was stunning! I could imagine every little detail so clearly! I also loved how you noted the imperfections in the surrounding. Whenever you moved on to describe yet another thing, you made sure to reinforce the idea that it has many flaws.

CONNECTION

In the first chapter, I really felt overwhelmed. But in a good way... if that make sense? Just like a student would be overwhelmed in a huge high school (I can imagine especially in the US lmao) on their first day, I felt the same. There was a depressing note through descriptions which worked really well as it really built a connection with the reader.

WORD CHOICE

Really could not fault this much. However, there were a couple of instances where I felt the language used slightly disrupted the flow/dictation.

Original: Mornings and afternoons, especially on special days, like the first day of school, were the busiest.'

Edited: 'Morning and afternoons, particularly on special days, like the first day of school, were the busiest.'

I'm not saying the original necessarily has to change to the edited. However, I feel it flows better. In the original, reading 'especially' and 'special' in the same sentence was kind of odd and it didn't really sound right. Also:

Original: 'The path twisted and turned slightly as it gained elevation, as the entire campus was...'

Edited: 'The path twisted and turned slightly as it gained elevation, due to the entire campus being built on a slope.'

The edited version perhaps may not be the best substitute, but it's an idea. In the original sentence, I felt there was an overuse of the word, 'as'

WRITING STYLE

Originally, I thought there would be a lot of telling, rather than showing. However, I think you showcased the right balance. Through dialogue, I learned so much about a character, even if only a few lines were spoken. The scenes worked very well and I was pleasantly surprised when the book broadened to multiple perspectives whilst remaining in the third person.

CHARACTERS

Usually, I'm not a big fan of authors that introduce multiple characters all at once as it can pretty muddled. However, despite the proximity of introductions in your book, characters were given such distinct personalities, that I could distinguish them with ease. However, please note, and I know I keep reiterating this point but it's the unfortunate truth, that this is Wattpad and so character introductions are quite excessive for this platform. I think this novel is more suitable for publishing.

DIALOGUE

So in the first couple chapters, I was a little disappointed due to the lack of dialogue. However, you displayed brilliant examples in further chapters! I think this book is one where you really have to trust the process!

OVERALL

I all honesty, I thought this book was just going to be a long list of tiring descriptions. However, I was pleasantly surprised! This is probably the only book following this writing style, that I felt myself properly get into. This is a brilliant novel and if it is not already, I believe this should be published professionally!