Aphrodite Reviews

twenty-nine | gothan hills

Book: G O T H A N   H I L L S 

Author: xzra8765

genre: fantasy 

COVER  4/5

I really liked this! However, I was questioning the layout of the author's name. The lines made it feel as if it wasn't a book cover. Also, I can't see the text at the top, it's pretty blurry.

BLURB 2/5

There were quite a few grammatical errors, and I was questioning the structure. I liked the little excerpt, it made me excited and curious about what was to come. However, the blurb, on the whole, needed some polishing. Grammatical errors are abundant and there wasn't much structure to it. It was extremely confusing; If the plot is not clear in the blurb, it can be hard to lure in genuine readers. I haven't been able to rewrite it, because quite frankly, I had no clue what you were trying to say here. If you can give me a skeleton of what key info you want in the blurb, I'd be happy to write one for you. 

SPAG 6/10 

There were quite a lot of issues here. I do recommend an editor, as the list was extensive. 

Original: 'his ocean blue eyes opens.'

Edited: 'his ocean blue eyes open.'

Original: 'creating an array of silver,.'

Edited: 'creating an array of silver.'

Original: 'She seemed panic.'

Edited: 'She seemed panicked'

Original: 'Although she had placed herself on a rock that looked horrid although her aura screamed royalty.'

Edited: 'Although she has placed herself on a rock that looked horrid, her aura screamed 'royalty'' I love the contrast. However, the grammar had an effect on well... the effectiveness. 

Original: 'muttering to myself I walked closer.'

Edited: 'muttering to myself, I walked closer.'

I limited myself to only correcting five mistakes, as I simply can not list them all. I haven't even got through your prologue and I simply can not keep up with it. Again, I really recommend getting an editor. Sentences weren't structured properly, and it was like information was just smushed together. I had to add this, as it's more a spelling issue than grammar. 'brakes his heart.' should be 'breaks his heart.' This is a homophone. Oh and also:

- A little tensing tip when writing the present tense. Let's take 'want' for example. When referring to yourself, this would stay the same, 'I want.' However, if it is someone else than 'she wants.' If you are referring to multiple people or a singular person with the pronoun 'they,' then it is simply, 'they want.'

- Lastly, when you listed the nationality of each friend, you got mixed between terms.

Jay is Scottish, that is correct, but saying 'Jay is a scottish,' is incorrect. In this case it would be 'Jay is a Scott.' Also, Chris cannot be France, because France is a country lmao. He would be French. 

PROLOGUE 9/10 

I really loved the first bit off the prologue. It was mysterious and automatically encouraged me to read on. However, the second part wasn't necessary. It made the prologue longer than one should be, and without it, it would be so much better! 

VOCABULARY/IMAGERY 9/10

You did this very well. I liked how you described the girl in the dream. It made her sound so ethereal, and I could imagine the beauty of her aura. However, the spag detracted from the imagery as I had to pause to figure out what you meant.  Despite this, the imagery was stunning and it felt almost whimsical.

DESCRIPTION 9/10

This sort of ties in with imagery, but is a little broader. I noticed that you used the rule of three. This is a great technique..until it gets overused. This is something I've noticed quite a few times in writers' work. They tend to go overboard with the rule of three, just like you did. Also, most of the description was centered around the prologue. I would've loved to see a description of the scar. Perhaps the rough, jagged feeling of it on Zeph's thumb. Or the heat it emits. lmao not literally, but yk? 

CONSISTENCY 2/5

This was mainly due to tensing. You would switch from present to past in a sentence (again an editing issue.) However, I did notice something else, where you were not consistent with the pov. 'He shouts to the kitchen door and his strict-step father gives me a mind-your-manners- look.' So you started off speaking in the third person, however, the 'me,' then switches to first, and later you switch back to third. This was extremely confusing and I would watch out for this. 

PACING/FLOW 3/5

Try spending more time feeling out scenes. In a couple of chapters, Zeph has left, gone to his car, and is now back. It just felt pretty rushed and this consequently affects flow. Perhaps work on the description in these areas. 

PLOT 9.5/10

I loved this so much! The idea was extremely creative and original. It's just the portrayal that needs some work :)

TOTAL 43.5/60                                 

This is my first time rating novels which felt a little weird. Despite me saying scores are unnecessary, if you do think it will benefit you as a writer, then I am happy to provide them.