Aphrodite Reviews

ten | the plan ⬦

Book: The Plan

Author: baddestbitchangie

Genre: historical fiction

BLURB

I wasn't too keen on the blurb. I do think it had some interesting aspects, like rhetorical questions. However, I felt it was pretty dull on the whole. I would love to see your creativity put to use in the blurb.

GRAMMAR

There are quite a few corrections I have listed. However, please note these are not ALL of them as they would be too extensive to list and I am by no means an editor :)

Original: 'I am assuming my father and stepmother, Elizabeth wanted to see me.'

Edited: 'I'm assuming my father and stepmother, Elizabeth, wanted to see me.'

A comma needs to be placed after 'Elizabeth.' If you find it difficult to know whether or not a comma needs to come after, read the sentence without the word. If it makes sense, a comma needs to be placed.
For example, if I removed 'Elizabeth,' the sentence would be, 'I'm assuming my father and stepmother wanted to see me.'

Original: 'My dad hated when me and my brother, Caspen forgot to bow down before him.'

Edited: 'My dad hated when my brother and I, Caspen, forgot to bow down before him.'

You have to imagine it like this. Remove the other party and see if it makes sense. The original would be 'my dad hated when me forgot to bow down before him.' Whereas the edited would read, 'my dad hated when I forgot to bow down before him.' I'm not sure if I'm explaining this very well so if you would like me to clarify, do not hesitate to ask.

The other mistake was the lack of a comma, which again is similar to the previous mistake.

Original: 'Amazing right?'

Edited: 'Amazing, right?'

Original: 'No men is ever going to want to marry you looking like that!'

Edited: 'No man is ever going to want to marry you looking like that!'

'Men' is the plural form of 'man.' If you wanted to use the plural form, 'is' would have to change to 'are.'

Original: 'Elizabeth left and I got up from my desk grabbing my dress.'

Edited: 'Elizabeth left and I got up from my desk, grabbing my dress.'

A final error I will point out is:

Original: 'please stop trying to control what I look life.'

Edited: 'please stop trying to control what I look like.'

As you can see, most errors lie in comma usage. There were other mistakes but as this is just a review, and I am not editing your book, these are the only ones I will list. I recommend using an editing shop if you want other errors fixed!

CHARACTERS

You mention that the dad is abusive. Instead of handing that information directly, build that character traits through scenes. I liked the scene where the dad's abusive side really shines through - not that I condemn abuse - but I felt it would've been better if that scene wasn't accompanied by the sentence,' my dad is abusive,' as the reader can gauge this without it.

Also, you mention that they were all poisoned at dinner. Perhaps portray this through a thought. What I mean by this, is the protagonist reflects back on this situation due to a triggering incident. For example, if you moved the anniversary of her death to the beginning, that could be a nice opportunity to slot that info in.

I think characters were portrayed extremely well. They are royalty and dialogue is fit for royalty. You didn't use abbreviated terms/contractions in speech which I appreciate! When I read the dialogue, I could imagine their accents so clearly!

SETTING

So, the story is set in the 17th century and therefore I recommend using words that correlate to the century. I felt that this was done okay, but could be improved. Also, the story revolves around the British royal family and yet they use American English such as, 'mom.' I would recommend substituting this for the British English, 'mum,' as character dialogue isn't the most realistic thing. This doesn't mean the narrating has to follow British English, just the dialogue.

PACING

Some of the scenes felt pretty rushed. For example, the fact that the king killed the mother is slotted in pretty casually. I know that this isn't supposed to be a surprise as it's given away in the blurb, but I did feel the idea could've been introduced in a more creative way.

PLOT

I loved the plot! Literally obsessed with this! I think scenes played out so well and I found them extremely enjoyable! Although the pacing was rushed, as mentioned above, I felt the scenes really made up for this and caught my attention!

DIALOGUE

This was written extremely well! Character conversations were realistic. However, there was one instance where you wrote:
"Thanks," I said with a smile.

"What made you change your mind?" I asked.

Please note that when writing dialogue, unless there is a new speaker, you do not need to start a new line. Also, I don't want to make a separate subtitle for this so I'll just slot it in here:

Please note that names should always have a capital letter - this was sometimes missed. Generally, this wasn't an issue. However, there was one instance in chapter 2 1/2, where you said 'maria,' instead of 'Maria.'

CHAPTERS

I felt that as chapters progressed, grammar and overall writing style got worse. I'm not saying it was 'bad,' but it didn't compare to previous chapters. I think the first couple of chapters had my standards so high, that I was a little disapointed when I read the others.

LANGUAGE

A suggestion is that instead of saying something like:

'it is very loud.' try,

'the music was deafening, pulling me out of my trance, and reminding me of the events that were to go down tonight.'

By saying something like this, not only has the scene been developed, but you are fore-shadowing, which adds to the suspense.

PACING

It was pretty rushed overall. For example, Caspen asks Anastasia if he can teach her to fight  and  when she agrees, they start immediately. It didn't seem very realistic and I recommend pacing this out.

OVERALL

This book was literally amazing, and I'm so glad I  got the opportunity to read! You are a truly talented author! If you have any questions in regards to feedback or anything else, don't hesitate to get in touch!