Summer Secrets (Zarry Mpreg)

Part 19 - Parenting: I can't forgive 💧

Harry missed Daislee like mad , even when Zayn managed to find the time to FaceTime it didn't feel like it was enough. Missing her felt like an actual knife to the chest. Every second he spent away from her the more likely she was to forget him, forget his voice , forget his smell. That thought alone broke him to pieces. Deep down he knew he had no choice but to finish the term, there was no other away around it. But that didn't mean he had to like it.

But it wasn't just Daislee he was missing... not that he would ever admit it. He missed Zayn too, missed the way he walked around sleepily in the mornings, missed the little squeak in his voice when he got worked up, the crinkles by his eyes that appeared when he smiled , the smooth velvety tone to his voice when he whispers to their daughter. However, the thing his missed the most had to be the way he loved him. He loved Harry in a way that nobody else does. It was a rare , beautiful kind of love. The type you see in a film and just wish you could have.

Harry had that, he had it but in other ways ...he didn't. He couldn't understand why he couldn't forgive Zayn. He loved him! He really , really loved him. Daislee and Zayn where his life! Yet he couldn't bring himself to suck it up and move forwards! It was beginning to stress him out to the point of insanity!

He actually texted Zayn that very morning to wish him luck in his exam. Only to make the worst mistake ever and add in an I love you!!! Zayn was probably going around in circles! By saying I love you he's leading Zayn in a false sense of security! Zayn probably thinks that he's a step closer to forgiven but the truth was .. He was still in phase one! No progress had been made! Well ... he doesn't hate Zayn for what he did anymore. He supposes that is a step in the right direction right?!

Staying with his dad had been absolute torture. He felt bad but he was kind of taking out all of his frustrations on the man he hadn't seen much of the past three years and it was rough. He'll give his dad his due though, he was really trying.

If only he would listen to the words Harry spoke. Maybe that'd be enough to help Harry.

"You ok lad?" His dads voice spoke snapping him out of his panicked thoughts.

"Yeah sorry Des , just thinking." Harry whispered, shaking his head. "What did you say?"

"I really wish you'd stop calling me by my name son." Des sighed, frowning.

"I told you, I'll call you dad once I'm over everything that's happened and I've came to realise I'm not an easily forgiving person."

"Is that so?"

"Yep! I can't even forgive the person I love most in this world for one stupid mistake. So there is no way in hell I'll be able to forgive you anytime soon, I mean you cheated and left." Harry huffed.

"Not this again, please." His dad begged.
"Harry you've been here for months now! I've tried my best to stay civil but this attitude has to stop! You'd think you'd understand how hard it is to not have your child around now that you're a long distance father yourself!"

"Don't you dare bring Daislee into this! You didn't even have the decency to come and see her when she was born! Believe me I know exactly how it feels to be away from your kid and it's fucking shit! I know that! God you just don't get it dad! You never have! I'm hurt! And I'm not just hurt by you ok! I'm hurt by Zayn! I'm hurt by Louis! I'm hurt by Pez! By Trisha! By Eric! I'm hurt by everyone who decided to lie to me! You all lied to me! And then you expect me to just trust you and move on!" Harry cried.

Des stayed silent. They'd had this conversation over and over again. Ever since the day he left Harry and Anne, sure Harry had been a baby but he had the exact same conversations with Anne herself. Cheating had been a cowards way of escaping his responsibilities and it's something he'd always regret. He knew how badly he'd hurt his son, but deep inside he had hoped Harry becoming a father would somehow mend their relationship. Give them something to bond over... clearly not. His boy was hurt, scared even because the people he loves always end up lying to him in some way.

He understood, he really did.

"Harry, I do get it. I understand ok? What I did to you and your mum? That was unforgivable. I should of tried to fight for our family and trust me still to this day it is one of my biggest regrets. I wanted to fight for you both, i really did but I had too much pride. I just - I need you to listen ok? Please, what ever you do...don't turn into me. Don't let this fear of trusting get you to the point where your only defence is to push people away! Look where it landed me son.. I'm alone , my son hates me , my ex wife pities me and I'm quite literally on the bones of my arse money wise. I want more for you! You deserve a happy family life! Haz you have to get past all this." Des stated firmly.

It was probably the first time Harry had ever heard him open up. They'd never had the type of relationship where they spoke deeply and poured their hearts out to one another. That was more of a thing him and his mum do.

"I can't forgive him dad, I've tried! I thought maybe seeing him give birth to my daughter would be enough and in some ways it was yeah! I mean it made me realise I only hated what he had done, not him himself. I love him. I'll probably always love him." Harry choked out.

Des tried to hide the smile that formed on his lips at the word 'dad falling from Harry's mouth' now wasn't the time. He needed to step up and be the dad Harry wanted him to be.

"It may sound weird son, but maybe that's all you need. Maybe love is exactly what is needed to keep a relationship going. Maybe you don't need to forgive him! Maybe you just need to except the situation for what it is and move on?"

"Move on from Zayn?! No I-I can't!"

"No! God no! As I said I pray you fight for him son! I really , really do! I don't ever want you to lose him the way I lost your mum!"

Harry locked eyes with him, only now noticing the tears that had gathered on his fathers water line.
"S-so what? I just move on from what's happened? Ignore the fact that he lied to me? That he literally hide away my child from me? Do you have any idea how insane that sounds?"

"Ok... how about I put it this way.." Des paused , reaching out to place a hand on Harry's shoulder.
"You either move on or you lose your family. People don't wait forever."

Harry sniffled , nodding his head in understanding. Because of course he knew his dad was right. If he couldn't forgive Zayn then the only thing he could do right now was move on. Let things resolve themselves naturally. If he and Zayn where meant to be then they would be.
"Y-you know, I think your first ever advice session is actually ending pretty well, I'm impressed."

"Does that mean you hate me a little less now?" Des asked hesitantly.

"I-I don't hate you." He whimpered, moving to cover his face with his hands. "I- I'm sorry, it's been years since we had a proper conversation and all's I've done Is take out my moods on you."

"It's fine. I get it son... just promise me that from now on we will try harder to mend this relationship. Your mum and I will never see eye to eye, but me and you? That's something we can work on yes?"

"Y-yes ok... I-I'd like that." Harry nodded.

"Good, now how about we have a cuppa Ay? A sort of  non alcoholic cheers to moving forwards?!" Des replied with a chuckle.

"Thanks dad."

Moving forward, he was moving forwards.

———————————————————————————

A/N: A Harry chapter yay!!!! It's always nice to switch it up yeah?! I know it's only short but I just wanted to do a quick filler to show you how Harry's truly coping. And also introduce you to Des' character! I mentioned what happened with his and Harry's relationship in the first ever chapter so I think it was a long time coming lol!

Anyways! Hope you enjoyed! Keep your eyes out for the quick updates should have two more this week if I finish writing them!

Stay safe, Lots of Love -
Cara x