For the Record// H.S.

IT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR

*THIS IS A DOUBLE UPDATE!*

This chapter comes before 'SCAVENGER HUNT'!!!

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Harry ended up texting me about his photoshoot around seven last night, but I didn't notice it until around ten. I was too busy scrolling mindlessly through the museum's website to see if there were any art shows this week and devouring the rest of my hummus.

Turns out, the museum is closed this week due to a new restock of paintings coming in and them having to put up a whole new exhibit. Now, I have no clue what I'm going to do for this week because I can't even pick up more classes at Athena's place since she closed her studio to go on vacation for two weeks in Greece.

Oh to be a crazy art lady who travels the world.

I tried convincing her that I could run the classes, but she shut me down quickly. It's not that she didn't trust me with her studio, but she told me to catch up on sleep and let myself relax. Athena was one of the only people that could tell that I barely slept. I never informed her about my problems, but I just knew it was her motherly nature kicking in.

Since I didn't win the argument against Athena, I planned on bombarding myself with art shows these next two weeks, but that won't go as planned either. I hated how my schedule has all changed for the next two weeks, I have my weeks mapped out for a reason.

My weeks barely ever changed, especially not this drastically at least. It was usually like plans for a day have changed which was reasonable, but not having anything to do for two whole weeks was going to fuck with me.

I could ask the stooges to hang out more during the week or I could even help Mitch at the store.

Yeah no, I already did that for a whole month.

Spontaneous plans were never my thing, they always caused more anxiety than I already had to deal with. I always wanted to let go and feel the adrenaline of just going along with whatever was happening in the moment, but I'm too stuck in my mind overanalyzing everything that I couldn't ever enjoy my time.

I ended up responding to Harry's message with a simple, "glad your photoshoot went well... see you tomorrow Mr. Britain." He never texted back, but he seems to do that when I text him late, so I guess the photoshoot just tired him out.

Sometimes I forget that not everyone has trouble sleeping and they actually go to bed at decent times. I forget that they get to have a full night's rest without the recurring nightmares.

I wish I wasn't so damaged to the point where I was envious of other people's normal habits.

Did that make me selfish?

It's not like I'm blaming other people for my problems. It's my fault that I refuse to get help and refuse to talk about it. But I also know it's not my fault that my childhood was so trauma endorsed that for the longest time I couldn't even be in the same room as someone who was drinking.

Figuring out and believing that everything I went through wasn't my fault took a lot of work, and when I say a lot I mean a lot. I would go nights on end crying in an empty flat all alone and almost giving up on my dreams; I had no faith, but the stooges saved me and they didn't even know.

Recognizing my growth has been one of the things in my life that has been so bittersweet. At first, I felt guilty for overcoming some of the things that I thought would never get better and then I came to the realization that the closest people in my life would want me to grow as a person.