Zhavia's Point Of View
Thursday
December 25, 2016
I make my way down the stairs with my bag of presents in my hands. I need to give everyone their gifts before the handle of this bag gives out. "Finally, you're done hiding." My dad says loud enough for only me to hear him once I make it down the stairs to the living room. The look I give him asks him 'huh' waiting for an answer.
Does he know about me avoiding Julissa?
"From Grayson.. you two don't need to do the dodging each other thing you're gonna see each other all the time." I can't help but roll my eyes. If only he knew the actual story..
I turn my head, looking in the kitchen, Grayson is over in the kitchen helping Lisa make more cookies... staring at me. He tears his eyes away from me as soon as we make eye contact and he instead focuses on the cookies he's taking out of the oven.
I turn my attention back to my dad answering him. "I'm not avoiding him. I can't do that for obvious reasons. I'm just not going to acknowledge his presence." I shrug sitting my bag of gifts on the coffee table. I'm just going to go ahead and start passing out every ones gifts to them. Everyone is all over the place.
Sean Cam and Ethan are on the back patio in front of the fire pit, Lisa and Grayson are in the kitchen, and my dad and Eric are in here yet I don't see her anywhere in sight...
"Z... hey.." I hear from behind me, her voice is small, like she's being cautious of how I'll react. She should be, I don't even know how I'm about to react right now. There are so many different ways to react but there's only one good one to go with. I stand of straight and take a deep breath before turning around to face her.
"Jay! Merry Christmas! I almost thought you weren't coming, c'mere." I pull her into a hug rocking side to side a little before letting go.
She looks at me so lost, confused even when I pull away, but she immediately puts on a smile realizing everyone else is around us. "Yeah I was hoping maybe we could talk?" She asks hopefully, I nod smiling. I don't want to, but I know I need to. "Of course, wanna go upstairs?" We need to do this away from everyone, I don't want to risk anyone hearing anything. She answers me shrugging. "Yeah sure."
"Good come on." I lead us away from everyone, up the stairs, and into Cam's room shutting the door behind us. No matter how all over the place my emotions are with her, I need to stay calm.
This isn't the time or place to let it all out.
"Talk." Is all I get out as I stand in front of her, finally facing her. There are so many things I want to say to her, but I want to hear what she has to say. How she might defend her actions.
She takes a deep breath nodding.
"I fucked up Z, like I know that goes without saying but I did and I want to acknowledge that." Acknowledge it? That's the least she can do.
"You want to acknowledge that?" I'm not trying to mock her I just want to know what she means by that.
"I shouldn't have been drinking that night and I'm so sorry. I never mean to blab about you and Ethan you have to know that. Okay it was never my intention to ever tell Grayson about that-"
She sounds so shameful of herself, but she's focusing on all the wrong things. "Was it ever your intention to tell me that you knew about it? That you knew who I was talking about when I told you about it? Because the night I told you about the kiss you let me ramble on like an idiot when you had already known what I'd done. When you had already known who I did it with." She listens to me shaking her head 'no' like I'm wrong.
"It wasn't like that. You had both told me and I didn't want to betray either of you or your trust. I wasn't trying to be sneaky I just didn't want to say anything." I get that, I guess I can understand that. I nod and she continues.
"I never wanted to keep anything from you, really I didn't and that's no shade to Grayson. The truth about when he and I ended that was on both of us. There were plenty of times I just wanted to break down and tell you the truth and I'm sure the same thing can be said for him. Z it's not easy, keeping something like that from someone." I nod slowly, skeptically listening to her.
"Yet you two did it for months, and would have continued to do it if..."
"If you hadn't gotten me drunk?" She finishes for me plainly. My eyes roll and I think about what I could say to that... but I instead go with what I should say.
"Yeah, yeah that was partially on me I'll admit that. I knew you wanted to help me, I guilted you into drinking I admit that, it was wrong."
"Z that's not what I was trying to- I'm not trying to blame you for that. I was weak, I had full control when I said yes and took that first drink and every drink after that all on my own. I just.." Her breathing becomes shaky, she closes her eyes trying to get through what she has to say.
"I had sex, with Grayson." She breathes out, her voice breaking. Tears burn the brim of her eyes, she looks up trying her best to hold them. That's the last thing I expected her to tell me...
I rush over to Cam's desk grabbing a couple of Kleenex's for her, giving them to her. She takes them like she's disappointed in herself for crying. "I don't mean to cry, I don't want you to feel bad for me. I know what I did, and I know it's awful. You can cut me off, you can tell Cam, you can ignore me and I'll understand. I just thought you should hear it from me." At this point she's just rambling, all of this over fucking Grayson.
I hate this, how much she's beating herself up over this. It's like when Cam found out about her and Grayson all over again. I don't want to make the same mistake twice....
I pull her into a hug, comforting her instead of getting mad at her.
"We all did things we regret that night, it'd be wrong of me to make you think it was just you. We just need time." I need to calm her down, I know how she feels. It's not her fault, not all of it. I need to take some responsibility too.
I thought she was trying to get between me and Grayson, but it has never been clearer that I was wrong.
That wasn't her intention at all and she's obviously beating herself up over it.
"You don't hate me?" She asks in our hug, I shake my head 'no'. "I hate that you did what you did, but that doesn't mean I hate you." She's like a sister to me, hating her isn't in my nature. She came to me... she told me the truth.
Her coming clean like this, without knowing that I already knew. It's proof, proof that we can get our friendship back. That we can move past this.
All in time.
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It's a short chapter I know, I just didn't want to go to sleep giving you guys nothing. I should get to posting the next chapter tomorrow. Love you guys!!!!
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