(Repeat Let Me Down by Jorja Smith feat. Stormzy)
Zhavia's Of View
Monday
December 22, 2016
I stand at the hotel door waiting for him to open it, he said he'd be waiting for me. Ethan and Cam both basically made the decision that I can't be alone with Grayson again, like ever. So needless to say I waited for them to go to sleep, it's fucking two A.M. and I just want to talk to Grayson, get my stuff and leave.
Maybe doing this by myself without them knowing is dumb, but love makes us all a little dumb sometimes.
My stomach drops, I hear the lock turn and the door open, there he is. Shirtless and in sweats, he stands in front of me looking kind of relieved with nothing but the moonlight seeping in through the window in the hotel room leaving everything barley visible. I swallow thickly before speaking up. "You going to let me in?" I ask barley above a whisper.
"Y-yeah..." He moves out of the way letting me in. Upon stepping in the first thing I notice is a bottle of coconut rum on the counter. I make my way over to it picking it up seeing that it's empty. I around, looking at him. "I'm not talking to you if you're under the influence-"
"I'm not, I promise. That was from um last night.." He rushes over to the bottle picking it up and throwing it away. "You and Julissa drank? Together?" In the mist of me playing house with Ethan I didn't even think about what Grayson and Julissa might be doing... I guess I just didn't want to.
"We should go to my room." He whispers walking to his door, ultimately I follow him, his room is suprisingly clean, my bags are still unpacked. My things are all around the room like.. like I'm still staying in here with him. He closes the door once I enter, turning on the light as well. When the light comes on he turns around. looking at me, looking at my neck.
"Fuck..." He breathes out stepping towards me, but I take a step back.
"Don't." I spit plainly.
He can see it... how on edge I am with him. When I look at him I see danger, and that alone makes me want to burst out into tears. In all of the danger I see now it's deteriorating all the good memories, the night we went skating, the pool parties, the boy who did everything to protect me...
I've known him since before we were dating, I protected him from bullies as a kid and now...
Now all of that feels like another lifetime. The person standing in font of me is a stranger and it makes me sick to my stomach feeling like this when I look him, because in all the hurt, the lies, and the manipulation I still love him.
"You're afraid of me..." He steps back, giving me space. "After last night I'd be a fool not to be." My voice is quite, shaky. I feel like I need to walk on eggshells with him, because the truth is there's a darkness in him and it's frightening not knowing when it might irrupt. "I didn't mean to react like that..."
"But you did.." I whisper, he runs his hands through his hair anxiously, his head dropping, looking down. "Z, you'll never know how sorry I am, but I thought you kissed Ethan and I was just so pissed. At you at him- I just-" His breathing is erratic, making me even more scared, but not of him.. for him.
"You thought I kissed him?" I furrow my brows, stepping towards him only for him to back away. His back meets the door and he slides down it, his knees in his chest. "We got back here and- and she told me. She told me everything, how Ethan told her about the kiss months ago. How he was the one who came to your house after our date. How he kissed you and- and-" His breathing is so unstable he's barely even able to get a word out and I realize what's wrong with him.
