Chasing the Void (Magnates Series #3)

Kabanata 35

"I ended up falling in love with him." diretsahang pag-amin ko. "To the extent that I no longer wanted to continue the plan of using him." 

Pagkatapos ko sabihin iyon ay nilagok ko ang alak ng diretsuhan hanggang sa mangalahati iyon. I sighed heavily, wincing at the after taste of it. I don't like it, but the bitterness and the warmth it's giving me made me at ease.

"Tumawa ka na," natatawang sabi ko. "Nakain ko ang sinabi ko."

"Hindi na funny kasi ang predictable." 

"Sana nakisama ka na lang para kunwari hindi nakakahiya."

Pinilit niyang tumawa kaya sumimangot ako. Eksaherada pa ang pagkapilit ng tawa niya na tila ba nang-aasar kaya mas lalo lang akong nabadtrip.

"O ngayon? Ano'ng pinoproblema mo?" tanong niya. "Masagana naman pala ang lovelife mo kaya anong sinisimangot mo diyan?"

"Natatakot ako na baka ako lang pala."

"Ikaw lang ang?"

"Ako lang 'yong seryoso sa'min." sabi ko. "Na baka talagang ginagamit niya lang ako para sa kung anong pakay niya."

"Tingin mo?"

I smiled bitterly.

Every memories with him came flashing in my mind. The way he started expressing his emotions even though it was not that much. Every time he opens himself up. Every smiles, every stares, every soft chuckles, it appeared in my thoughts. 

I sighed again. 

"Mahal niya ako," pagkaklaro ko at muling sumimsim sa alak. "Alam kong mahal niya ako." 

I don't know where I got my confidence but I was certain about it. Hindi man siya 'yong tipo ng tao na lantaran sa nararamdaman, pero may paraan siya para iparamdam iyon. And I felt it, every single bit of it. 

And I love it, my feelings kept on growing that I don't think it would just be hindered with what I heard last night. 

Na kahit magsinungaling man siya, iisipin kong may rason kung bakit hindi niya sinasabi iyon. Kahit ginagamit niya man ako, maniniwala pa rin ako na totoo 'yong nararamdaman niya sa akin.

"Nakakainis naman," I muttered.

I'm at this point of wanting not to hear anything that night. Na sana hinintay ko na lang talaga siya sa may maintenance office para hindi ko narinig ang usapang iyon.

It's hard for me to trust someone fully. And now I'm having difficulty although I was certain that what we have is real and not an act. 

Ang akin lang, gusto ko malaman kung bakit. 

I felt him kissed my forehead and gently laid my body beside him. He scooted closer to me for a cuddle. His warmth felt the most comfortable place I've ever been. 

"I love you..." he whispered, caressing my hair. 

Ngumiti lamang ako at hindi nagsalita. I just hugged him tighter and buried my face on his chest, inhaling his scent. I can hear his heart beating fast. 

Mabilis na lumipas ang oras at naramdaman kong tulog na siya. I was still lying beside him, staring at the ceiling. I can't help but to overthink. My desperation to know the truth kept bugging me.

Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko dahil buong buhay ang ginugol ko para lang dito. Ever since that tragedy happened, darkness invaded everything in me. And that, for some reason, made me feel a person. I have no plans to escape. 

Tumayo ako at siniguro kong hindi ko siya nagising. Tumungo ako sa office para gawin ang pakay ko.

I crouch down and opened the drawer using a small key. Matagal ko nang nahanap ang susi para sa cabinet na ito pero simula nang maging totoo ang kung anong meron kami ni Draisen, ipinawalang bahala ko na ito.