Deals with the Devil (PA #1)

Chapter 28

Evidently, there is a limit to how many churros can be consumed in an hour. And that limit is seven.

"This is disgusting," Eli tells me in a nasal voice.

I groan. "Just hold my hair back, please. Both hands."

In that same Squidward-like cadence, Eli says, "If I use both hands, then I have to stop pinching my nose closed. Which basically means that I'll have to add a scent to the terrible sight in front of me. I have a superior sense of smell! It's not happening."

Already feeling another bout of vomit brewing, I urge, "Just do it! My hair is too short to be held in one hand. There are little wisps! Wisps all over my face!"

A second hand joins the first in gathering all of my hair away from my face. "Oh, Satan, it's even worse than I thought. Jeez, that shit is lethal," Eli says in her normal voice.

The puke escaping my mouth keeps me from defending myself. There isn't even anything to defend, really. Bodily fluids are usually pretty gross, but churro-and-spinning-teacup-induced vomit takes the cake.

No, not cake, I correct myself when the thought of food brings a new rise of bile. Breathing heavily until it goes away, I moan out, "I'm never eating again."

"I'm never letting you eat after this," Eli agrees. "You'll probably die, but at least we'll never be in this position again."

"Death is sounding better by the second," I say.

"Losing my sense of smell sounds pretty tits right about now," Eli adds.

I laugh, then moan. "Ugh, don't make me laugh! It hurts."

"Everybody hurts, Will. Even 90's boy bands knew that."

"Were they a boy band?"

She doesn't even hesitate. "They were boys, and they were in a band. Seems pretty self-explanatory to me."

"Huh," I say, then realize that I actually feel better. Maybe laughter is the best medicine?

"Okay, I think I'm done. You can let my hair go now."

Elizabeth immediately does just that. "Praise the Devil, I thought it would never end!"

Grabbing some toilet paper to wipe my mouth with, I respond, "You and me both, sister."

Once my face is reasonably clean, I straighten from my crouched position next to the toilet. I have to lift my dress so that I can kick the handle, but watching the evidence of my own gluttonous stupidity flush away brings about some level of satisfaction.

When I turn around, Eli is nowhere to be found. Confused, I exit the bathroom stall and spot her furiously scrubbing her hands at a sink. Following her lead, I wash my hands beside her.

"You know, this is not how I expected this day to go," she tells while pumping more soap onto her pruney fingers.

"I didn't really have expectations for today," I reply.

She hits me with an are-you-for-real sort of look. "Dude, we've been planning an imaginary Earth trip for years. Of course, you had expectations."

I nod my head in reluctant agreement. "Well, sure. But that's the thing about expectations, right? Reality can never live up to them."

Now, she rolls her eyes at me. "There's no room for doom-and-gloom shit on your birthday, Will. For once in your life, don't be such a pessimist."

"I'm not a pessimist! I'm a—"

"Realist," Eli finishes. "Yeah, you've said that before. I still believe nothing is half as bad as you make it out to be in that brain of yours. You think too much."

"So, what? You want me to think less?" I ask, slightly offended.

"No," she sighs. "I want you to worry less. To stress less. To actually let yourself trust that everything in your life will work out for the best. Even if, at the moment, it feels like the worst."

"I don't know if I can do that," I tell her honestly.

"Just try, Will. That's all any of us can do."

Our heartfelt moment is interrupted by someone obnoxiously clearing their throat. "Excuse me. You two have been rudely hogging the sinks for the last five minutes. Some of us would actually like to wash our hands!"

Elizabeth takes a deep breath before facing the Karen trying to give us some attitude. She flicks her wet hands off onto the woman's Mickey Mouse t-shirt, which causes the woman to gasp in shock.

Waving her arm at the sink, Eli spits out, "It's all yours, lady! And while you're at it, why don't you wash that foul mouth of yours out, too? Maybe then you'll think twice before spewing out your word garbage."

"What she said," I agree, aiming my thumb towards my best friend.

With that, we stride out of the bathroom like the bad bitches we are. Well, Eli does. I'm still recovering from my date with a porcelain bowl, so it's more of a sickly wobble than a runway strut. Bad bitches does have a nice ring to it, though. Perhaps I should start incorporating more curse words into my mental commentary? It doesn't count as cursing if I don't say it out loud.

The rest of the day follows without incident. With Lucifer's ability to sweet talk and intimidate, we're able to cut every line. Because of this, we have enough time to go on every ride at least once. Or in the case of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, at least nine times. I lost count after a while, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to get that Pirates song out of my head.

When the sun starts to sink closer to the horizon, I fake being too physically exhausted to stay any longer. Already done with being around so many humans, Lucifer and Killian readily agree. With some grumbling about her perfectly planned day, Elizabeth acquiesces as well.

I don't tell them about he-who-must-not-be-named and his promise to me that we would visit Earth and watch the stars together. I don't want my untreated pain to taint this otherwise perfect day, so I'd rather just leave before the day becomes night and I'm lost in memories of him. Besides, the stars can't truly be that beautiful, can they?

On the drive back to the cemetery, I ponder Eli's advice. To stress and worry less about every aspect of my life. I understand why she would feel as though everything will work itself out in her own life. But for me? I'm basically living on borrowed time in a place that isn't built for people like me. Somehow, I'm supposed to accomplish the impossible and graduate from Purgatory Academy, a task that seems more insurmountable by the day. In less than a year, I'll have to face everything I've been avoiding.

Before the anxiety can fully constrict my lungs, I try to focus on the positives. When I do attend the academy, it'll be with Elizabeth and Killian by my side. I know that Lucifer and Lilith will do everything in their power to keep me safe, even if it means risking a war with Heaven. And, maybe, just maybe, I'll actually enjoy Purgatory Academy. I might make new friends, fall in love, or learn and grow as a person. Humans go to college to find themselves; perhaps I can do the same.     

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this book and will continue the rest of the ongoing series. Ebook version of the story is available on my Patreon! Link in bio :))