Life Of Bayla

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Days blended into weeks then morphed into months. The year twenty fifteen was slowly dragging to an end and it's weird because it's like it was just the day before we all wished the other a happy new year.

Time changes a whole lot of things. It changes perspectives, people and the works. Time has changed me. I know that I'm definitely not the same Bayla Lakes worked by fear and low self esteem. Sure, I've still got my insecurities and issues but all I can hope for is that with time, I can sort them all out.

In life, we dont always get what we want. It might look like we've got the time to make it happen so we plan for our targeted goals. Rania Parks planned to get back at me for breaking she and Aaron, my brother, up and though it worked, she wasn't content. She used up a whole lot of time but in the end, her plan didn't work out the way she wanted it to.

Ingrid Matthews had planned to come back to Lakewood High stronger and better. She used her time to sort herself out, well, mostly her wardrobe. Her plan was to conquer Lakewood so she decided that working her way up on the social ladder would be the first thing. She decided that weaving her way into the most popular gang of Lakewooders, the Kahunas, would go a long way in getting her that popularity she's always craved for. Though, in the end, things didn't really work out. There were a few errors in her plan that involved her crushing on a guy who didn't like her back, attacking a student by drink-spiking and then pretending to have an eating disorder. Pathetic, isn't it? After all of her plotting and scheming, she still didn't get what she wanted. With all the time she spent on these trivial high school matters, she lost a huge part of herself along the way. What is it she lost, you may ask, is her humanity. Ingrid Matthews went nuts and after she came clean to her parents about everything, she was sent to a psychiatric hospital.

Well, that's according to the rumours but I bet you believe that story just as much as I do.

In terms of how time changes perspectives: Za'Niyah Bell lost respect for her bestfriend Rania Parks after she hooked up with her boyfriend behind her back, Lakewood High no longer gave a shit about the Kahunas.

When time goes by and you get older, your eyes open up to a lot of things. For example, the need to be with Cullen has grown more and more prominent. I didn't think we'd have anything between us. Yes, I had a little crush on him but I never acted on it because I didn't think it would grow to become something so strong I wouldn't be able to go on with my life the way I used to. I didn't think there'd be a day were I would so badly want to see his face just for that day so I'd feel happy and content. I didn't think getting a whiff of his scent would send me into a funk. And I sure as hell didn't think looking at him would make my heart painfully sag so much from all the regrets and letdowns and feelings.

I didn't think it would hurt this much.

So how do we go on about our lives when time ticks by so fast and life doesn't give us what we want? We move on. We live our lives accepting all the shit it puts us through and is yet to put us through. We need to understand that it is what it is no matter what.

Except it means that you'll also have to come to terms with the fact that ignoring the shit you're going through means you're living a lie. It means you're so caught up in your own fears that you deem it fit to pull up a front just to shade what's eating at you. You're afraid to face your fears in the face and tell them Fuck You, you won't get the best of me! I tried my best to live my life, for real. I updated my new year's resolution list, got engaged in exercising, living healthy and stuff like that. I kept up with my straight A game, balancing my school work with my life and all. I did every possible thing in the book to keep my life going. Besides, I was in a healthy place, not a completely happy one, but still really healthy.