A Cozy Life With Pudding || Kozume Kenma

25.2 - Mermen

did i eat too much sugar while writing this? yeah... :'D

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"What the fuck are you guys doing?" Your boyfriend's voice echoed within the flat. He came back home, greeted by three Disney princesses. Kuroo was seen wearing a very tight Jasmine's outfit, Bokuto's Cindrella dress, but the lower half ripped and ass exposed, and finally you in a normal suited Ariel costume. Your face flushed as quickly hid behind Kuroo when he entered the living room, placing boba drinks on the table. "What... are you guys doing?"

"Don't mind! Don't mind!" Kuroo urged him, shooing his hand at the boy. "We'll be doing some stuff together, don't mind."

"I wish I can leave you guys alone, but if I see (Y/n) with that... It's kind of difficult."

Kuroo laughed away, pulling you up front. His hands gripped onto your shoulders to prevent you from escaping. "Look at that! Shell tiddies! I know you got a thing for tiddies when we watched mermaid porn!"

"Kuroo... I think that was just you."

"Oh my gosh, Kenma, you watched mermaid porn with Kuroo?"

"HE FUCKING PULLED ME INTO IT-"

You stand idly from the three as they argued about 'shell tiddies'. It was damn ridiculous, so you just sat down, drinking the boba Kenma brought. Sadly, it was damn amusing to watch.

"What's wrong with shell tiddies? I mean look at your girl!" Bokuto's arm waved out in front of you like he's showing a brilliant display of jewels. "She got them right!"

Kuroo smirked and joined in, copying his bro. "She's literally a fish! Don't you like fish too, you can eat her!"

"Kuroo, what the fuck-" You cut him off, kicking him from behind the knee. "I will literally throw salt at you, fucking spawn of satan."

"Bet I snort it-" He approached the kitchen, quickly looking for salt. Once he did, he held the bottle of salt. "BET I FUCKING SNORT IT-"

You gave an audibly, exasperated sigh as Kuroo poured a huge load of salt in his hand. Bokuto crept up to him, faces close as they looked down at the salt in his hand. "You guys better not sno-" You spoke too soon as soon as Bokuto tried to breathe it in, only to cough loudly. All of the salt dropped on the floor as he choked. "BOKUTO I FUCKING TOLD YOU NOT TO SNORT IT-"

"I DARED! GIR-" He choked in between words as you backed up, getting onto the chair. Dramatically, crawling towards the chair, shaking the legs.

"BOKUTO, DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE-" You cursed out, trying to balance yourself with hands onto the chair next to the wobbling one. "PLEASE DO NOT-"

"IF MERMEN LIKE HALF-FISH, THEN DO THEY HAVE HALF A SIZE OF WHALE COCK? LIKE FOUR FEET DICKS-"

"ARE YOU HIGH ON SALT, BRO?!" You hopped over to the other chair as the wobbling chair fell down. A playful grin crept to Bokuto's lips as he approached the chair you're on. "Oh my gosh, are you actually high?"

Kuroo gasped. "Oh my gosh, does that mean I can take in salt instead of drugs?" He dropped down to the knees with face close to the face.

You pointed to the male. "Kuroo. Bitch. You don't dare to-" Watching the bedhair male, he took a big sniff and choked right away. "WHY DO I KNOW YOU TWO?! KENMA, HELP ME OUT!"

"(Y/n), you know damn well that I don't know how to deal with the. That's why I leave it to you." Your boyfriend was chilling on the couch, sipping on boba with a wave to you. "Have fun."

"Oh my god- Kenma, please. I beg of you. I cannot deal with salt-high hoes right noW-" You started to shriek at the two, trying to shake down your chair, but quickly switched to the dining table. "Why did we give Kuroo the spare key again?!"

"For killing cockroaches, cleaning our mess, bringing us home, sneaking in sake, crashing streams-"

"NO, NO, NO, MOST OF THE TIMES ARE JUST HIGH, HIGH, DRUNK, DRUNK!"

"I forgot."

"KENMA!"

Before you knew it, hands laid on your ankles, pulling you down the floor. You hit the floor head first before staring into the high bros. "ANSWER ME! DO YOU THINK MERMEN HAS LARGER DICKS THAN US?"

"DO THEY HAVE ANY?!" You asked. It made them question too.

"... Oh my gosh, do we have larger dicks then?

"WHERES THEIR ASSHOLES AT? HOW CAN THEY SUPPORT GAY SEX!"

"HOW DO MERMEN EVEN HAVE SEX?"

"... OH FUCK-"

Silently, you left them as they rambled on about mermen. Crawling to your boyfriend, you gave a relieved sigh. "This is why I do not want to invite them to our house? They come here for no reason, now they're wearing Disney princess costumes as they argue about mermen sex. I do not understand and I cannot keep up."

Kenma whispered. "Me neither..." He pulled you up with you on his lap. It was kind of embarrassing since you were scared to even sit on it due to his weak stature. "Can you teach me how mermaids have sex then?"

"... Are you also high on salt, Kenma?..." You questioned abruptly.

"No, but I did drink."

"Leave. Y'ALL FUCKING LEAVE THIS HOUSEHOLD RIGHT NOW-"

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH TALKING ABOUT THE OCEAN?"

"YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT MERMEN COCK-"

"I WANT TO SEE WHALE COCK THOUGH-"

"Let me know if you guys have an answer."

"LEAVE ALREADY!"