Tuesday, April 30th, 2019
Zermatt, Switzerland
Y/N POV
After Ellie and my others friends explained the reason for the assumed jealousy, very thoroughly, and made me understand just how oblivious I am, I decided to go to a room separate from the others. I needed to call Ariana because I didn't want to leave her with these thoughts or possible thoughts.
*Calling sound plays for about a minute*
*Voicemail plays*
Hmm. I guess I'll call her to-
*Ringtone plays*
I answered my phone quickly and waited to hear a voice. "Hi, you called... and I missed it." The adorable voice of my girlfriend came through my phone in a quiet tone.
"Hey Love, I just wanted to check up on you." What is this? I'm her parent and she's staying at a camp? Hi sweetie, I'm just calling to check up on you. Shit. "It was a bit weird when you suddenly hung up."
"I know... um, is anyone else around you?" She asked. I guess for the reason of having privacy.
"No." I responded and waited for her to continue speaking.
"I'm really sorry. I don't really know why I did that."
"The girls and Ellie said you were jealous." I said it abruptly, no thought. Just no sense of right and wrong. What can I say, sometimes I pull shit from ass and say it. I hit the palm of my hand against my forehead. How could I be so stupid?
I couldn't figure out what to say in order to make up for what I said. I wasn't quick to think. "I wasn't jealous!" Oh fuck. "Y/N, is there a reason for me to be jealous?" I can't believe I'm freezing up. She isn't in the same room or even the same continent. Why can't I speak? "Which one? Which are you ruining our relationship with?" Speak goddamnit! "Speak you pathetic idiot."
"I'm sorry. I didn't think-"
"You didn't think? You didn't think?! Wow! So shocking! You know I don't want to hear your voice right now, although it's not like you've said much. I can't stand you! Ahhhhh!" She hung up. I knew that from no more talking and that sound an iPhone makes when a call ends.
Immediately, I knew I had to call back and I did... 5 times... 10 times.... We left on a bad note. I barely got a word in. I'm not good at this. I'm not good under this pressure. I'm.. I'm...
I am pathetic.
A fucking loser.
Portland, Oregon
Ariana POV
Self-destructive. Dramatic. I've been called these words before and that call I had was very supportive of those words. But... I can't help it. My insecurities are being fed and I'm letting them get the best of me.
Y/N. I totally fucked up. We haven't been together for very long and I've managed to unleash my crazy, idiotic, paranoid side.
But, he caused it! HE'S THE REASON!
And- And-
He's probably with one of those girls... who are probably better than me. They're more beautiful. They're probably more intelligent. They'll never run out of things to talk about. What if we run out of things... or maybe we won't ever have that chance because it will end before we have the chance.
He wouldn't have to hide a relationship with them. He wouldn't have to worry about where and when he goes out with me... But, he doesn't seem to mind it. He doesn't seem to care as long as we're together.
Y/N has to be one of the great guys in the world. The special ones. He's a little clueless and has his dumb moments but, he's an amazing guy.
I can't believe I just had a one-sided fight. It just scared me when he couldn't answer. It was frightening. Too many 'what ifs' were surfacing. Too many insecurities. I kept listening to my phone ringing. Eventually, I drowned out the noise. I was only left with the negative silence in my head.
But then came the negative voices that I let pick at me everyday. You're not enough for him. You're not enough for anybody. You could be better. You... you are a loser.
You ruin everything.
The crying started. The tears ran down my face. The sound of my crying added to my sadness, so I drowned it out by stuffing my face in a pillow. Eventually I fell asleep with only my thoughts and my loneliness.
Depressing, I know.
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