[ boyxboy ]
Lennon Lewis doesn't feel quite alright. He is slowly but surely reaching for the stars with his rock band and is adored by everyone who meets him. He should be happy. But he's either too high or too low. The sweet relief is only tempora...
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The insecurity will always creep in and try to destroy him. But with every passing day there are more and more moments, each one longer than the other when he feels content. Alive. Happy. Days are saturated with honey and warmth and William.
Maybe it has something to do with the season changing, longer days, warmer air, but it's also him that's waking up from hibernation not just the nature around him. And he doesn't know what is happening, what are they doing, why is William still in his home more than he's not, and why he actually doesn't want him to ever leave.
Most of the times Lennon just thinks about sex. Every day he has clear views of William's bulge in his tight Calvins, William's ass in soft, loose joggers, glistening skin post-workout, and prominent veins on his tanned forearms and biceps, but other times, he just thinks how safe he feels when he goes to sleep, with William in his bed, not necessarily cuddling all the time, but definitely, some part of William's body always touching him. His toes brushing Lennon's shin or his palm on the middle of Lennon's spine or his fingers wedged under the waistband of Lennon's underwear, or his knees pressing into his hamstrings.
He never had a boyfriend, a relationship really, and he thinks that maybe this is what that would look like. Before he used to think he would've never been good enough to be someone's partner. He is too damaged, too untrustworthy, too problematic - pretty to look at but once you peek inside, ugly and disappointing. But William's touches and kisses and words are doing something to him, melting his insides and showing him that there's something inside worth loving. William's tongue is sweetening Lennon's mouth when they kiss, honey is surging through his bloodstream.
Just looking at him sitting snugly on his sofa, watching a Chelsea - Tottenham football game on TV while wearing Lennon's old Rolling Stones t-shirt makes him want to do just that. Watch him watch TV, in his clothes.
William always picks the most worn-out threadbare t-shirts to wear, the ones that most have Lennon's essence in them, being on his body so often and for years in his possession. That is a feeling of intimacy and closeness that he hasn't felt even during sex, and it scares the shit out of him.
Constant swarms of butterflies dancing in his stomach - so scary. The need to be taken care of, and worse, to show someone you need them to take care of you - fucking terrifying.
But he trusts him, he believes him, at least he is trying to. He can't deny it. The connection between them is so strong, someone might call it having a soul mate. He hasn't felt so consumed by another person ever and made himself believe he never would.
Lennon unfolds himself from the warm sheets of the bed, carefully, making sure not to wake up William. Usually, he wakes up a couple of hours after William goes to the office, but this morning is different. And it's not the nightmares that made him wake up early, it's just the sun peeking through the curtains and feelings of hope for the future. He has been writing more than ever, his creativity is going through the roof with so many pages of words, thoughts, poems written in his diary.
