Empty swimming pools ✓

35. Gods & Monsters

He lies halfway on top of him. His eyes were already closed, but William knows he isn't sleeping, so he reaches for his t-shirt and cleans the cum of his chest and belly the best he can and throws the t-shirt on the floor. William strokes his hand down Lennon's back as he has his cheek on his chest. Silence hangs between them for a long moment.

"I was seventeen almost eighteen when she died," Lennon says resignedly after too many moments of tension. "Maggie. I tried to save her. I used to model, and did other stuff to earn money to pay for her medical bills. But I failed. She died and then I just became... this."

"You did other stuff? Like what? Stealing?"

"No," he sighs heavily against his skin.

"You can tell me. Whatever it is, Len. I'm not leaving."

"I used to..." A man who writes wonderful, inspiring lyrics that people around the world end up tattooing on themselves or use as wedding vows is struggling to find words now. "I had to start modeling really young. It was hard but I needed the money and a lot of it and there was no other way."

"Oh... But what about your parents? Did you care for your sister by yourself?"

"My parents... My dad died in a car accident when I was six. I don't remember him much, only that he loved music. He was a pianist, keyboard player, whatever he could get his hands on. He played the weddings with a local band, and parties and stuff. That wasn't paying much then he became a lorry driver. He taught me how to play the piano. And then he died. My mum was depressed after that, barely ever smiled anymore. We lived in a poor neighbourhood but we always had enough. We were happy I guess, I mean Maggie and I, we were just kids so we didn't understand loss like that, like my mum did. Anyway she was drinking more often than not. And then when I was twelve we found out that my sister had cancer. It was an early stage and we were hopeful but that broke my mum even more. I tried to stay brave and strong for her, I even got a job, but it wasn't enough, all the money, all the savings went to my sister's medication. My mum soon remarried. He was a drunk. A loser." Unconsciously William tightens his grip on him, this story can't be easy to tell and it seems as Lennon rarely tells it, if ever.

"Mum didn't love him, I know she didn't but I think she thought he had some money and it would help with Maggie. It didn't. He was drinking and she was drinking, and then she started taking drugs - it was awful to see her like that. She used to be so beautiful and then she became a ghost. So I tried to avoid all of that, I didn't care about the school much either. But I went to school and I still worked, and stayed away from home. I just didn't want to see my mum like that and I hated my stepdad. He was barely home anyway. And then after a couple of years of that misery, I remember it was my fourteenth birthday and my mum forgot about it. I went to school that day upset because of that. That same day my art teacher asked me to come to his studio after the class, if I would like some extra credit because my grades are shit and he basically wants to help. And like I said, I didn't really care about the school at this point, I kind of realised I would get a random job in the neighbourhood, in the airport or construction or something just to survive and that would be my life. I had dreams, I loved playing the piano and my music teacher always complimented my voice and musicality, and the only subject I truly enjoyed in school was English because reading and writing essays came so easy for me, but never did I even think any of these dreams could come true, living in a place like that. So I wanted to say no to my teacher, but he seemed really nice and worried about me and I rarely had anyone worry about me then. My family especially. So I went to this studio in Shoreditch and... He said he wants me to take my clothes off and pose for him." William tenses at this but Lennon's voice is still the same, cold and even.