All A Joke (Eren X Reader) {Modern AU}

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Eren POV

"If it weren't for you, I wouldn't of had met my three closet friends. I wasn't happy for so long, but some good came out of this, not a lot, but very important things. I met Levi, Hanji and Erwin. I went to school early. I am doing what I love. Was it hard to get to this place? Absolutely, but I had my friends to help me get here. They were patient with me. Even when I was constantly pushing them away. They stayed by me no matter what and helped me grow into the person I am today." I said to him.

I felt terrible. I really didn't want to push her away. 

Or make her run away. 

I've felt guilty about it all this time. 

When her dad had told me about how she got her GED I got even more guilty. 

She really wanted to get away from everyone. 

"This whole time, I believed I deserved to be humiliated like that. I thought that I wasn't supposed to be happy. I really thought I was supposed to suffer constantly. In college, Levi and I dated. I was really really happy, I felt like things were finally going my way, but then I had an episode and couldn't bring myself to be in another relationship, we broke up and I haven't been in a relationship since. I accepted that I wasn't ready to put myself out there like that and Levi understood that. We're still attached to one another, but it's a different attachment. At least on my end. Regardless, I have been doing great these past few weeks and have been able to accept and acknowledge what happened those years ago. Knowing your side makes it a little easier... but it still hurts. I have gone all these years thinking that I have only been played. That I was the only one enjoying myself during that time. I believed that everyone was going to do the same thing to me no matter where I go. It was hard. I couldn't open up easily. The beginning of college for me was really really tough. But I made it through that time... and I've gotten better now."

She didn't deserve that treatment from me or Mikasa. 

I wanted her to be happy.

In the end that's all I wanted for her.

I messed her up to the point where she couldn't hold a relationship. 

She was happy but then she spiraled down. 

Wait... 

Haven't been in a relationship since??

So are her and Levi not dating??

Regardless I began to feel bad again. 

Although, I wasn't crying anymore. 

I had calmed down significantly, but I couldn't help but feel terrible about it all. 

She struggled so much socially and emotionally because of me.

I wanted to really know something. 

"So you aren't dating Levi?" I asked her. 

I heard her let out a small sigh and then she spoke. 

"No, we haven't dated for a while." 

Well. 

This whole time I thought they were together. 

I guess not. 

I felt happy in a way. I was glad to hear they weren't together honestly. 

I didn't let that show on my face though.

I was beginning to feel weird. 

After my panic attack, I was feeling all sorts of emotions.