All A Joke (Eren X Reader) {Modern AU}

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Eren's POV

I was in her living room. For some reason I felt unsettled. This never happens.

"So what did you want to bring up?" Y/N asked. I could see that she was fidgeting with her fingers as she sat on the other side of the couch. She sat with her knees close to her chest.

"I wanted to apologize again about Friday. I really shouldn't have left you hanging. You deserve better than that. And I know I said all of this on Sunday, I just feel Really guilty about it." I said to her. But I was still confused myself. Did I really feel guilty?

"I mean, I know you are sorry, but I told you, it's tough to trust you. I'm even nervous with you being here if I'm completely honest. Its like I don't want to get close and open up to you, but that I can't help by try and do it. It really hurt That you didn't text or call. I was worried that some thing might have happened. Then I git the idea that you wanting to hang was just a joke. That you wanted to get a laugh out of me waiting there. The hostess kept checking on me. That whole weekend I didn't have a proper meal. I felt too sick and sad to keep any thing down. My dad got really concerned about me. Its just more factors that go into it than you just not showing up. So I really do have a hard time trusting you because I was close to being at my lowest point just from this weekend. I'm better now. Its just, I don't want to get worse than that. So I would need time to trust you. I really regretted letting you in. And I still kind of do. But I think I'm willing to grow from that. I just know I'm not ready to completely trust you right now." She looked up at me. She had a sorrowful face on. Very timid.

She looked so... Vulnerable. Yet, she seemed as if she was getting comfortable sharing out. Or like she needed to get it out. As if she wanted and needed to get this stuff put of her.

"I didn't know. I'm sorry. I really do want to make things right with you." I said quietly.

"That's what I don't get. Are you trying to make things right with me for yourself or so that people don't think ill of you? And I mean no disrespect when I say that. I would rather know the truth than to come up with my own reality."

"The truth. I'm doing it for both reasons. Some of my friends are upset with me for ditching you on Friday, which they have every right to be. But I know they have grown a liking to you and probably just want the best for you. And for me, I feel guilty for what I did. And now that you told me how you felt that whole weekend makes me feel more guilty to an extent and gives my friends more reason to see me in bad light. Its still frustrating to me though." I started to get heated. Y/N was able to sense my frustration and anger from the way I spoke. I knew She did. She seemed to tense up and got uncomfortable.

"And I understand that." That's all she said. I guess I scared her off.

"I'm sorry for getting frustrated. Its really not you, it's just... I don't know how to explain it. Even in my head it's all over the place. I can't put it into proper words. I'm not trying to push you away or anything." Why am I feeling this. I'm just getting more and more frustrated. And I'm not meaning to. I'm not even understanding myself and what's going on.

"I get like that sometimes. Where I don't know how to explain myself." She said. She really did seem like she was trying to push me away.

My phone then vibrated and a message from Mikasa appeared on my screen.

Mikasa- Where are you Eren?

Me- I'm a little busy. I don't think I'll be going into school.

A few seconds later another text popped up.

Mikasa- Your name is going around school. About how you stood up Y/N on Friday. She's not even here today so I can't even say anything to her.

Me- it's whatever. She'll get what she deserves soon enough.

I felt wrong sending that message. But of course Mikasa didn't like Y/N at all. I don't think she's ever told me a reason why she doesn't Like her. I think we just got on the same wavelength of not liking her.

She was easy to pick on. Especially since she didn't retaliate against us.

I decided to bring it up to Y/N.

"Hey, so I just got a message saying that people know about Friday. So you might get unwanted attention when you go back to school tomorrow. People will probably ask questions or you will probably get weird stares. Just know Th at it happens sometimes. There's no need to freak out over it." I said to her. In hopes it'll make her time at school a little easier tomorrow.

She looked startled. She started mumbling to herself. I couldn't hear what she was saying. But this was a bad sign. She doesn't like unwanted attention like this when it can be avoided. And I'm sure Mikasa will want to say something to her.

But maybe I can come in high and mighty to make her trust me. And just tell Mikasa Th at its all part of the plan. She'll accept it and continue on with her life.

Have Mikasa pick on her a bit and then have her stop. That will let Y/N know she can trust me. At least to some extent.

"So people know. But how did they find out?" She asked quietly enough for me to finally comprehend what she was saying.

"Well, there is a possibility that Jean, Historia or Armin told someone and then it spread out like that. I mean they were the only people to know. Along with Mikasa but I know she wouldn't tell someone something like that. There isn't much we can do from here. We just have to accept its out. And don't think this looks bad on you. You aren't the bad guy in this situation. So please don't blame Your self." I tried to reason with her. I mean you couldn't blame her. I really wanted to but I just couldn't. I just got caught not showing up.

"Yeah but you see seen as the bad guy by other people. That's not fair. And what if people blame me for wanting to tell people about it. What if they think I'm just going it for attention? I wasn't planning on telling anyone. It wasn't worth it, it already happened. I dealt with it by myself so there is no need for other people to know and..." She began to mumble again and looked very frazzled. She was also beginning to scratch her wrist pretty roughly which began to make me nervous.

"Hey Y/N, it's ok. Relax relax. Its not your fault." She seemed like she didn't hear me. She was still mumbling and scratching her wrist.

I grabbed her wrist and pulled her into me. Maybe this will calm her down.  It did last time. I didn't need her trying to seriously hurt herself. Something like this isn't worth that much trouble.

With in a few minutes, she calmed down. But what I didn't know was that she was silently crying against my chest and really needed Th at hug.

Maybe, I could get used to something like this. 

Just maybe.

But I don't know if I'm really up for it.

At least that's what I want to believe.