FINDERS KEEPERS (complete)

Twelve

Ever felt helpless, hopeless and useless? That's how I'm feeling, ever since those man left I've been sitting in the very same position, now I feel what Michel Jackson must have felt when he wrote 'speechless' it's exactly how I feel. I can hear mayona and Kagiso arguing but I'm not there, indeed there's nothing I can do, they only way out is if I give Kagiso a baby... Or either I stay five years into the marriage.

It's been a week since that day, Kagiso gave me a week off from work, even allowed me to stay at his apartment. Mayona has been here a couple of times to help clear my mind, I couldn't even be intimate with her, we fought about it a couple of times but i love her, and I want us to work, so I invited her over for diner tonight. I want to know that in the midst of all the craziness I have one stability, I want that confirmation that im not loosing my mind.

I just finished preparing ground beef casserole, and the classic French green salad, placed a bottle or red wine, candles... No! I'll do that once I'm done preparing myself. Only an hour left before she gets here, I went to take a shower, shaved because oooh well... I want me some big 0 tonight, after lotioning I took a a black starpy dress, it was above the knee with an open back, it had sparkles and feilers, I took out my black six inch and brushed my weave, I went to the salon today, got my hair and nails done, I don't want Yona thinking that I'm being inconsiderate of her, I want to show her that I'm serious about us.

I've just finished putting on my studs when the door bell rang, I quickly fished my dress and went to open the door, she's a few minutes early but it's good....to my surprise that was not mayona, it was Kagiso. He had on him a bouquet of lilies, a bottle of wine and a box of chocolate... What is he doing here?

Kagiso?:"uuuhm... Hey"

Me:"hi"

Kagiso:"can I uhm... Can I?"

He gestured inside.

Me:"uhm... Yeah sure come in...what brings you here"  I asked the same time he said "smells good in here"

He chuckled a bit and sat down on the couch. Ohkay?

Kagiso:"can we sit down please"

Checking the clock first, five minutes before seven... I hope he's quick

Me:"yeah sure, what's up"

Kagiso:"I... Uhm.. I came to see how you are doing? Cavin misses you"

That bought a smile to my face.

Me:"yeah well... I do miss him too. Where's Nancy?"

He gave me a side eye and chuckled

Kagiso:"what's the deal with you two vele?"

Me:"hah! You don't wanna know trust me"

Kagiso :"anyway.... About that night"

Me:*sigh*"kagiso please, let's not talk about it okay"

So that Sunday when his lawyer friend came, the never next Monday morning, I went to his room, I don't know what got in me but I got to his room. He just came out of the shower, I tried to kiss him. I wanted him to just sleep with me so we could get this over and done with. We kissed for a minute until he stopped, throughout I had tears streaming down my face, he told me he won't take advantage of me and he let me sleep on his bed while I calmed down.

Kagiso:"I just-"

Me:"mayona is coming in a few minutes, hope you don't mind?"

I am going to say and do everything just so we don't talk about that day, I'm still embarrassed about it. Hell... It's another reason why u couldn't be intimate with yona because the guilt is eating me.

Yes I know the only reason I did that was to get out this life, but...

Kagiso :"ooh yeah, I'll let you be though" he rubbed his hands on his thighs and stood up "I'll see you tomorrow at work right?"

Me:"yeah sure, I'll be there"

Kagiso:"alright, take care okay"

He bought me in for a hug, even in heels, his still taller than me, i realed in his scent, making me heave out a sigh in the process. I felt him vibrate meaning that he heard me smell him, so he's laughing at me.

He broke the embrace and held me at arms leng.

Kagiso :"you look gorgeous by the way, have a nice evening alright?"
He kisses me cheek then winked at me.

After watching him stride down the hallway to the elevator I closed the door, sighed with m the back of my head on the door. I'm glad he's not holding that against me.