- 100 -
okay so,,,, hello !! it's been a while (again). i'm not exactly consistent with updates on this book, but at this point i don't think anyone's even expecting anything different from me.
it's probably evident that i have not been extremely invested in nor up to date with kpop for around a year or so. in this chapter i will be taking a look at how kpop has affected me, and how come i've been kind of gradually moving on from it since last year.
before we begin, i feel the obligation to add about 50 disclaimers:
- this is, if you will, an introspective study of sorts !! i'm not saying anyone has to agree with me or relate to anything, because this is about my personal experiences. i will gladly discuss everything in this chapter in the comments and explain myself further if anything is unclear.
- i am not a kpop anti. i still listen to kpop and might occasionally interact with kpop related content, i have just decided to stop "stanning" kpop.
- i am in no way trying to victimize myself or demonize kpop. stanning kpop does not make you a bad person in my opinion, nor am i like,,, expecting anyone to defend themselves for doing it? idk how to phrase this, but i know that a part of the way kpop has had an effect on me is my own fault, and definitely due to the way i percieve things. i understand that not everyone has had this exact experience, but at the same time i hope i can make some of you think about this a bit deeper too. there are certain aspects of kpop that i will be directly criticizing, and i hope that you can see my points ig?
let's begin!
kpop as a form of escapism - is it healthy?
i have been noticing this for a long time; kpop stans tend to speak about their idols in a different way than western stans do. sometimes it almost sounds like they are talking about a character, if that makes sense? like, all the "kpop headcanons" and stuff. i used to be all for it, but is it really a good thing to do? i know that no one means any harm by doing them, but kpop idols are not characters.
i think that most kpop stans, whether it be knowingly or unknowingly, use kpop as a distraction. and i think that's perfectly fine to an an extent because we all need a distraction from reality sometimes. however, it becomes a problem when you start projecting onto these idols too hard. i have noticed that many people create a simplified concept of what these people are like in their heads. it happens as a result of them wanting to see themselves in their biases, so they start viewing their idols as an idealized version of themselves. it is not a great solution for your problems to, instead of facing them, live through someone else. and on top of that, when that someone else is a real person who you've subconsciously reduced to a shell of a person, a mere concept of a person, who in your mind can do nothing wrong.
when you do this, you are setting certain expectations about these people that you believe they live up to. so when reality hits and they do something wrong, you will take it very seriously and probably personally, too. because in your head, they are that ideal version of you, and you never envisioned ("headcanoned") them doing something like this. kpop stans are often very quick to agressively defend their faves because they are so deeply and personally attached to them. they have deluded themselves into thinking that these idols could never do anything with true malicious intent. there is always some excuse like "they did not know", when in reality, it's not a valid excuse in most cases. they should have known, and i believe that if they really thought about their actions deeply before committing them, they would have known. they are grown adults, they are capable of critical thinking, and they do not live in such a sheltered environment that they couldn't have educated themselves.
you cannot apologize for them, nor can you make up any excuses for them. you do not know what these people are like, because the real them is not what you see on camera, nor is it what you have headcanoned about them. you can't guarantee that they did what they did out of pure ignorance or that it was a misunderstanding, because you can't read their mind.
i'm very guilty of always thinking that they meant no harm or whatever, and i also felt personally guilty for a long time when e.g the woojin allegations happened. recently i came to question why i felt that way, because it's not like i was the one who did anything. then this whole theory above unraveled itself to me, and it suddenly made a lot of sense. as a mentally ill person, my main coping mechanism for the past few years has indeed been to project onto kpop idols as a distraction. i have spoken before about how kpop stans seem to think they know their idols personally, but i never applied it to myself nor did i think too deeply about why they believe they do. consider this now, i think many of you do it unknowingly and will probably not realize it until later.
i also want to highlight that the experience of being a kpop idol is greatly impacted by the stans. they are able to profit off of their music and their general online presence due to us. they would not be making all these vlogs and posting all this "domestic" content if we weren't so attached to them. i also believe that we would not be such dedicated streamers of their music if we didn't feel like we know them on such a personal level.
to be fair, the kpop idols themselves play into this image we have created of them in our minds; just take a look at fanservice and all that "personalized" content with those fake video call pov's and stuff. they know that kpop stans tend to get very obsessed with their favorite kpop idols, so they're competing for our attention by trying to make us feel as close to them as possible. i don't think that it makes them manipulators or anything, it's just a smart marketing technique with slightly dubious morality behind it, depending on how you view it.
kpop is not a good way to indulge in escapism. i feel like i am not living up to my full potential as long as i live through someone or something else like this. i know i cannot expect everyone to agree with me or stop using kpop like this, because many people truly can't help it, and i fully understand that. i once again want to emphasize that you don't have to explain yourself or anything, and that these things i stated do not apply for everyone. i rest my case.
the stan community
i won't be making this part too long, but i feel like i should acknowledge that the stan community itself has also caused me to turn away from kpop. i don't think this comes as a surprise to anyone. i used to think that a toxic fandom isn't a valid excuse to become uninterested in something, i even used to think that you never were a true fan of x or y if their fans caused you to detach yourself from them. however, i now believe that the fandom will unavoidedly have an impact on your experience with anything.
if there wasn't a tightly knit stan community surrounding kpop, i don't think that as many people would be interested in it, nor do i think that kpop would be what it is now. the fan-made content contributes a great deal to the experience of being a stan. imagine if there was no one else around to discuss kpop with, and there were no tweets, videos, edits, and even fanfictions about kpop? it would feel very empty, and it's very likely that people would not have developed this deep obsession with it. kpop, in addition to the music, gives people a sense of unity and validation, which it would not be the same without. i don't think you can really call yourself a stan of something if you aren't involved in the fandom in some way. never viewing any fan-created content would make most of us feel quite detached from kpop, and it would be very difficult to keep up with everything kpop related completely on our own.
now that we have established that the kpop fandom is next to impossible to avoid as a kpop stan, the next part goes without saying. i don't think i need to explain how the kpop fandom is toxic, and why it being that way affects me negatively. we've all seen it and experienced it, and we keep seeing it every day. if you feel like the toxicity in the stan community doesn't affect you in any way, then good for you, but i can't say the same. i constantly feel like i need to be super careful not to get cancelled, and every single day there is some new drama, and it drains me.
conclusion
there are many reasons to why i have chosen to detach myself from kpop, and a part of it is simply that i no longer enjoy a great deal of the music that idols are putting out these days. i don't think i need to make a separate paragraph to explain that. i have thoroughly gone to the root of things in this chapter, so i hope that the people reading this understood some of my reasonings at least?
i do not regret having been part of the kpop stan community, i just think it's time for me to move on. the negatives outweigh the positives of staying for me. i will not be deleting this book, but i will most likely stop updating it for good. there will be no dramatic sentimental outro; thanks for reading ♡'･ᴗ･'♡
