For the Record// H.S.

RAINY DAY, SUNNY INSPIRATION

So I decided to check it now and see if he texted back or at least read it.

ME: stooges are coming over at 11am tm, come over whenever.

MR. BRITAIN: Thanks for the heads up Artist, see you there @ 11.

I smile at the message because I was scared he would bail out because he seemed nervous to come crash our hang out. I don't know why he would be scared, we all wanted him there. He was good company.

I get up from the bed leaving it unmade because what's the point in making a bed to mess it up later that day?

I go to get my coffee pot ready to make green tea, then go back into my bathroom to brush my teeth.

I drift off into a daze staring at my the other three toothbrushes littered in the container. Letting my mind wander all over the place other than the present.

Would Harry ever want to add his own toothbrush?

I eliminate the question quickly out of my mind because I'm acting like I've known him for longer than a week.

We literally met last weekend, we're barely friends. I hope that can change today and he becomes more comfortable with us.

I don't plan on changing out of my sleep shorts or oversized t-shirt today because it's my own home and we usually all are dressed comfy anyway. I walk out of my bathroom heading straight into the kitchen to grab my newly filled mug and walk over to my vintage record player.

Mitch gave me the record, When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? by Billie Eilish on the first of August because it's the newest order he's received for the store and he just 'couldn't wait to give it to me'.

It's only about eight now and thankfully I didn't have to clean my flat before everyone came over because it wasn't super messy and I had already made sure all my blankets were freshly washed.

I have about three hours until everyone comes over and the only way I know how to pass time was to listen to music and get lost in my art, so that's exactly what I'll be doing.

I had started a new painting of the sun last Sunday after Mitch came over to check on me. He always does that after a night out drinking because I have a good relationship with alcohol when it comes to the night, but the morning after makes me skittish.

I always feel this wrongfulness over take me after drinking because my father was an alcoholic and I'd be damned if I ever became anything like him.

Living my whole life in fear of becoming an abusive drunk is kind of idiotic because I know I won't ever stoop down to that level.

I second-guess my nights out every time, which can lead me into a state of self-hatred. That's why Mitch comes over and checks on me ever since the first time.

***

"Mitch, why are you here?" I mumble through my hands which are covering my face in shame.

I know exactly why he's here.

"Cause Low, you're my best friend and I know when somethings wrong. You didn't talk to anyone today and you didn't even come down from your flat."

I feel so bad for feeling like this and isolating myself, but what else can I do?

I was taught to handle shit by myself or else I would be punished for asking for help.