Birthday Girl

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Is it a universal thing to hate your birthday?

I've never met anyone that has actually enjoyed their birthday, or hasn't cried on their birthday.  Including me.  I'm turning 24 in a couple minutes, and I couldn't help but think about every moment of my life leading up till now.  And how crazy life can be.

At 16, I took a life defining step.  I auditioned for YG.  If you told 16 year old me that you're going to be a part of one of the biggest girl groups of all time, I would've ran away thinking you're crazy.

At 17, I had been a K-pop trainee for about a year, and it's not at all what I expected.  My life was so different from back home in Australia.  It was such a huge step, but I made sure I worked my ass off here so I can get somewhere. 

At 18, I saw friends that I've made while training, get sent home.  I hate to watch them leave, but I'm proud of myself for making it this far.  By the looks of it I'm hopefully going to debut with 3 other girls for our group 'Pinkpunk'.

At 19, everything changed.  I debuted with said 3 other girls for our group Blackpink.  I'm happy we didn't go with 'Pinkpunk'.  Blackpink suited us more.  These girls are my sisters and I was so happy to make these first steps of a new life with them.

At 20, I realized we were growing fast.  We were already gaining so much recognition, and our songs were doing great.  The success was fresh to all of us, but we were all grateful to experience it with each other.

At 21, things changed.  We were big.  And I mean that in the most humblest way possible.  It was hard to go out in public without being mobbed, it was impossible to open social media without seeing the harsh words that hateful antis would say.  At this point was when I started to realized the harsh side to receiving all this attention.

At 22, I felt something I've never felt before. Love.  I met my girlfriend Y/n.  It was while my group was campaigning in Japan, she had also happen to be there for business.  We hit it off right away, and we were inseparable.  Our time in Japan was short, but the memories we made there were forever. 

At 23, I felt pressured.  The girls and I are only getting older, and I have no idea the direction my life is going in.  I had a routine and that was to complete shows with my all, smile during interviews, keep the fans happy, and then take my mask off once I'm all alone.  YG was controlling every step and move taken, and I felt so trapped.  My relationship with Y/n was the only thing that I had control over.  Our jobs made it very difficult for us to see each other, but that would've been the case with anyone that I was with.  Thank god Y/n was heaven sent.  She was very understanding and an amazing communicator.  She understood the pressure I felt, and how sometimes I need to be alone.  But it sucks that I can't have the girl I love with me, and how my company wouldn't let me go public with our relationship.

Suddenly my door burst open breaking me out of my thoughts.

It was Lisa with a huge smile on her face wearing a party hat, followed by Jennie, and Jisoo who were also wearing party hats.  Jisoo was also carrying a birthday cake with a single candle lit.

"Happy Birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!" They all started to sing happily.

"Happy birthday to-"

"Chaeyoung!"

"Rosie!"

"Pasta!"

They all called me different names, and I couldn't help but laugh.  I can always count on these goofs to make me smile.  I'm so grateful I have them with me, and that they've thought to wish me right at 12.

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