Unsteady | ✓

Chapter 46 : Insecurities

Gauri sat alone at the porch steps of the house. She didn't know what to expect anymore. Instead of telling Omkara that she had been hurt by their ugly breakup in the past she chose to snap and scream at him. 

Perhaps, Mrs. Talwar was right. She had done it to push him away. But she didn't know how to make Mrs. Talwar believe that there was  a part fo her that still wanted to be with Omkara. Gauri didn't expect him to wake up and forgive her for lashing out all those hurtful words at him. Guilt had been a very clingy friend for Gauri. It just wouldn't leave her alone.

She couldn't even cry over her fate. She had exhausted all her tears. Her eyes were dry. Maybe it was best if she and Omkara went seperate ways. At least they could pretend to be happy. With each other, they were only proving to be toxic. In one minute they were making promises for a new future and in the other digging up all the old skeletons from grave. 

For every plus one there was a minus hundred, their relationship had a negative score. 

Amongst the many things Gauri felt guilty for, was that she had pushed Omkara back into the black hole she had rescued him from. It was like achieving the greatest feat and then undoing it. 

She couldn't wipe away from her mind how he had repelled at her touch when he was drunk. Maybe she had always been a little too focused on herself in the relationship. But Omkara was dumb too, he chose her again. 

Gauri had many complaints, still. But all those little complaints were not enough to not want Omkara. She still wanted him. 

"Coffee," she heard Shivaay's voice, and gently looked up.

She silently took the cup as he sat beside her. It was late into the night and Omkara was sleeping in their room. Anika was away on one of her social service volunteering camp. Mrs. Talwar was inside, probably sleepless after everything. Gauri slowly began feeling that perhaps she was a burden on them all. She should have just stayed away in her own bubble.

"Gauri, relax. He'll be fine!" Shivaay said.

Gauri scoffed mocking herself. "I know he will." She said taking a sip from the coffee.

"Relationships, well, they are very complicated. And I am sure the one you and Omkara share is way more complex than the usual ones. But, you know, you can talk to me about it. I mean I understand if you chose not to. But Gauri, I want you to know that I hold you more like my younger sister than my brother's wife."

Gauri looked at him and slowly a smile crawled up her face. "Omkara is very luck he had you as a big bro. If you were my big bro I would be like and eagle flying high, because I'd know you'll always be there to catch me if I fall."

The corners of Shivaay's crinkled up as he smiled. "It's not late for you to start believing that. I will be there for you."

Gauri's smile wavered. "But you are Omkara's brother first. What if I told you that I can't take care of your brother, and I can only hurt him time and again."

Shivaay's smile faded. "What are you saying?"

Gauri held the cup firmly in her hands. "It was me this time. I said things that hurt him right at his old wounds."

She heard Shivaay take a deep breath. 

"I think this was all stupid. Marriage is a big deal. We shouldn't have rushed into it."

"Then why did you?" She heard him ask.

"Because," she turned to look at him, "I thought being together would just bring back the old times. I want to be happy with Omkara. But ..."