Denial [ n.s] EDITING

Chapter 37 - Vulnerability

Chapter thirty seven
Sawyer's POV,

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I found myself pacing back and forth in the living room of Nathan's house. He said breakfast, then lunch. I looked down at the phone to check the time. It was ten past four. Fuck. It was more like tea time now. What could be so important?

I ended up walking back to my dad's place since it made no sense to just stand in his living room, waiting and looking like a fool. I unlocked the front door and felt an instant breeze brush through my body. I accidentally left the windows open but that was probably a good idea or else it would be smelling like dust and dirt. As much as the mess baffled me, I didn't have the energy, mentally to even clean anything.

If he wanted to bail on me, couldn't he have at least texted me? Stop playing mind games with me, Nathan. I'm sick of it. Stop it. Game over. It's done just stop. All sense of relief that was left in my body disappeared when the front door sprung open - a figure stood there in a black button up, black jeans and grey shoes, preferably from Zara. Expensive. Definitely not for our lunch date.

He shut the door slowly as he began to walk closer to me. I stood up in response and my gaze met his. His hair was ruffled up from water. I peeped out the window and realized that it had started to rain. I resisted the urge to run my hands through his wet hair and press my lips against his warm ones. I couldn't have these thoughts. Not now, not after he's left me without an explanation.

Guilt was in his eyes. Or, more like an apologetic look. As much as I didn't want it to be, it was full of sincerity. I'm so blind I probably wouldn't even know if he were lying or not.

'I'm sorry' he finally said, 'I'm really really sorry Lea. I lost track of time-'

'Doing what?' I cut him off. I knew it wasn't exactly my place to question him. I wasn't his girlfriend, I was just his mere friend. But I did it anyway.

'I-I can't tell you' his voice was cracking and it sounded like he was so close to just breaking down.

'Why? Why can't you?' Tears began to run down my cold cheeks as anger filled through my body, 'please. Just tell me, Nathan' I softened up but the tears didn't stop.

'Lea, I can't' he was at the verge of cracking. 'It's complicated' he whispered into my ear. 'It's just .. Complicated' a second later and the feeling of his warm breath brushing against my ear disappeared. I felt my body weaken. I wasn't surprised if I were about to just collapse at any moment. Every bone in my body began to ache as chills ran down my spine. 'Lea,' he wrapped both arms around me, forming a hug as he had noticed my movements. 'I love you' he breathed.

No! My mind yelled. I ran up to the bathroom and locked myself in it. I slowly slouched down and my back was leaned against the door. I heard his footsteps come after me but I tried being oblivious towards it. Oh no. I felt my eyes get puffy from tears as a moment later, my nose was blocked. Tissues. I found a box of them beside my facial products. Just now was just a leak but now, now it's the water works.

'Lea' he spoke. 'Please let me in' I heard the vulnerability in his voice and I hated it. I hated it because it made me vulnerable! Whatever he did, that voice of his always managed to pull me back in. I didn't want to give in. I just wanted him to tell me. Stop hiding things from me and just tell me. He knows me well enough to know that I'll always stick by him. I've never judged him, and I never will. I just want him to trust me. Trust me with your deepest and darkest secret, Nathan.

'Lea I love you, I need you. Please just-' he was crying. Nathan was crying. And it was because of me. I've made the Nathan Sykes cry. I opened the door wide open and threw myself onto him as he wrapped both his arms around me. I looked up to his eyes and wiped away the tears. Seeing him in this state caused me so much pain. 'Nathan, please stop' I spoke in between crying. 'Please'

He shook his head and brought me closer to him, his head resting on my shoulder. 'I just need you right now' I felt his tears on my shoulder. 'Lea, I need you. P-please just, one minute'

'Okay' I spoke softly, gripping onto him tighter. Fuck, I loved him.

~

A/N; well isn't this emotional! I don't know, I guess the brain just gets emotional at 4 in the morning haha. Welllll it's kinda short but I'd prefer this chapter ending like this. Kinda fast update but hey, why not? It's 4, actually almost 6am and I can't sleep so why not! Hope you liiiiiike it 'cause I'm rather proud of this one (: xxo