white sabered || kylo ren x reader

Twenty

Birds chirping.

Wait a minute.

Birds chirping?

You immediately sat up, your eyes darting open in panic. There we no birds on The Finalizer.

You twisted and turned, beginning to panic. This wasn't The Finalizer.

Surely Kylo had not abandoned you during the night, surely he cared about you more than to leave you for dead. Or could it be Hux's sneaky doing? No way, Hux was sly, but there was no way he could manage sneaking into the Commander's quarters to steal you away in the night. 

You finally managed to stand up, beginning to walk down the thinly carved forest path. Everything felt so faint, so far off. Where exactly were you going? You felt as if you weren't even in control of your own body. A small creek slivered along the banks to the right of you, ferns and berry bushes clouded the thin trails, almost as if it were a disguise to possible enemies stumbling along.

You finally slowed down at a shockingly familiar sight. The old tangled tree in the woods.

This was your home planet.

You immediately took off down the nearest identifiable path, bare feet kicking up dirt and leaves along the way. You knew exactly where you were going. You knew exactly who you were looking for.

Your feet skidded to a stop at the entrance of the village. Everything was perfectly intact, no longer in flames and shambles from The First Order's siege on your planet. The only thing missing now was the people. There was not a single soul wandering the usually lively main street. You still smiled from ear to ear, taking off once more.

You explored down, finally taking a turn to reach the end of the village. You knew exactly who you were looking for. There she sat, all neatly folded in her rocking chair. Her grey, scraggly hair pulled neatly back into the smallest bun you had ever seen. She was resting, her eyes closed as she rocked back and forth on the porch of her logged-cabin home. Zelda.

"I was almost expecting you to not show up." Her voice broke the calming silence around you, almost echoing within the canopy of trees.

You wanted to move, but something restricted you from doing so. "Zelda. Zelda I miss you so much- There is no time for reconciling, my dear." She interrupted you, standing up with the aid of her cane to squabble her way down the steps and in front of you. "There is only time to warn you of just how much danger you are in." She added on.

"Zelda, what's going on? I don't even understand my own mind. Kylo, he treats me so well and so bad all at the same time." You began to explain, sighing aloud. "What's wrong with me? I would have laughed in my own face just a few months ago-"

Zelda shook her head. "You're beginning to fall victim to his tricks, my girl." She warned, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. "Tell me, how do you think Jaqueline and Atticus would feel, knowing their babygirl had fallen in love with the very man that murdered them?"

Your blood turned ice-cold, your emotions crashing into each other like a battling tide in a sea of frustration and confusion. Zelda was right. You couldn't possibly do this to your mother and father, no matter how utterly weak you felt around The First Order Commander. You remembered Hux's deafening words. How it was Kylo's orders to murder your mother and father.

"You need to pull yourself together, do not dare forget where you came from, love." Zelda advised, suddenly handing over your saber. You furrowed your eyebrows, taking it out of your hand. "Zelda, I love you." You whispered, pressing the button to turn on the saber.

To your surprise, the saber ignited a fiery red, absorbing all of the soft lighting that illuminated the force. In a blink of an eye, everything was red.

You were about to scream, feeling your hands instinctively pushing up on the mattress in Kylo's room. Kylo held his hand over your mouth, his own body blocking yours from catapulting yourself off of the bed.

"It was a dream." Kylo assured you, his other hand now wrapped around your back to almost cradle you. He slowly removed his hand from your mouth, you were struggling to find any air to breathe, and Kylo hadn't even choked you.

"I-I, I uh-" You tried to pick out the right words to say, wondering if you should try to explain.

"I already know everything I need to know," Kylo muttered, his face inches from yours.

"You feel the pull. You just proved to yourself that you feel the pull." Kylo started, now holding your face in his hands, his gentle fingers rubbing against your cheeks. "You-" He sighed, still trying to find his own words. "You know how powerful you are, why aren't you embracing it?" He whispered your name, pausing to take in another breath. "This call to neutrality is nothing more than the space trash lingering outside. When someone carries this much power, there is no neutrality. There is only the acceptance of your destiny to rule this forsaken galaxy."

Kylo was starting to fall to the brink of tears. " I don't understand. We could rule it all together. Every single planet, every single moon. It could all be ours. Doesn't that sound so comforting? Knowing you have the entire galaxy in your hands?"

Your furrowed your eyebrows, trying to back away. "Kylo- Please, Please. No more arguing, just say yes." Kylo begged, now cradling the nape of your neck.

"Kylo I really don't think I ca- I love you."

The words came out loud and clear, traveling from Kylo Ren's lips to slap you dead in the face. The heartless soon to be ruler of the galaxy was in love with you.

"What?"

Kylo sputtered your name, the tears finally falling ever so gracefully from his eyes. "I'm so in love with you. Every meeting I go to, every planet siege, every galactical gala, I can't keep my mind off of the next time I see you. Every time I look at you you seem to become ten times more beautiful than the last. It infuriates me! One minute I wish I would have murdered you the moment I caught sight of that forsaken saber and then the next I catch myself thinking I could never take another breath without you being mine. Can you not see what you're missing out on? You could have anything you ever wanted."

Every word Kylo spoke was like a bullet hole to your entire dream you had dreamt, Zelda's words becoming far off in your mind.

"Kylo." You started, hoping this time you would be able to finish. "I have..." You paused, biting your lip. You sighed, you knew what you had to do. Your planet still meant more to you than anything. Kylo destroyed that. It was the truth, and sometimes the truth hurts."I have to keep my word. I have to keep my promise." You finally choked out, now holding Kylo's face in your own hands.

He said nothing, instead, he leaned into you. He now wrapped his arms around you, and a drawn-out, hissing sob ensued. The very sound shattered your heart, a lump locking the middle of your throat, making it hard to even breathe. You soothed Kylo to the best of your ability, gently rubbing circles on his bare back. You had both slept together that night, deciding it was now appropriate to do so from now on. All of Kylo's words repeated over and over in your mind, playing like a broken record spinning away into space, only interrupted by Kylo's muffled sobs into your sweater.

You now had no idea just how long you could hold on.