white sabered || kylo ren x reader

Fourteen

"That's one way to do it."

Kylo stared down at you, still in his own world of thoughts and shock from the kiss. His eyes seemed to be searching your own for some kind of answer that you didn't have, nor did he.

Finally, Kylo blinked. He sucked in a breath, turning around to pick up his mask. "I have a meeting to attend to-" He hastily put on his mask, his cape flourishing behind him. You stood there, awkward as ever. What was he even talking about?

"Kylo, wha-?" You began to follow him, but he immediately stopped you. "Return to your quarters at once." He commanded, you could feel his intense stare even through the visor.

You felt your heart drop, picking at the hem of your shirt. "Okay-." You whispered, hesitantly turning around. That reaction was unexpected. You watched each foot go closer towards your room, feeling Kylo's eyes on you the entire time until the door closed behind you. What the hell was that all about?

You felt like crying, but you immediately stopped yourself from doing so. You refused to let Kylo play you that way. It would be more than insulting to yourself to cry over someone like him.

You fell down onto the bed, turning over to stare at the wall. Maybe he was just flustered? What if that was his first kiss? He probably thought he did bad. You couldn't help but feel your heart swell at the very thought of Kylo's lips on yours. Something about the kiss felt-- Heavenly.

Memories of Endor reminded you of the seeping hatred you also felt for Kylo, but he apologized. Had the Commander ever apologized, well, ever? You highly doubted it, but you remembered your allegiance to being neutral regardless of feelings or not. You would die before you joined The First Order, right? Right?

You groaned out of frustration, running a tired hand through your hair. You should've never even tried to make Kylo jealous. Maybe you wouldn't be in this situation if you didn't. Though, you had to admit, talking to someone else besides just Kylo was fun and felt like a clear breath of fresh air. Even if that person was Hux.

Kylo always made you feel like you were somewhere safe. Well, when he wasn't threatening your life and beckoning you into the dark side. He made you feel... Special?

You shook your head, sighing aloud. "Stupid heart." You muttered, but you continued to think.

"I really do have feelings for him. Should I confront him about it?" You thought, looking back at your door to Kylo's quarters. You reasoned and compromised with yourself. You couldn't admit your feeling, not yet. You couldn't give Kylo that kind of vulnerability to play with. Instead, you would simply bring up the topic of the kiss. You wanted answers.

"I'll do it tonight."

-

You kept turning and staring over at the clock, groaning and huffing every time only minutes had passed. Finally, it was late. Kylo usually returned to his quarters around this time.

The minute you thought of it, you heard the muffled sound of Kylo's door opening and closing in the other room. You immediately felt your heart pick up speed and your anxiety skyrocketed. What if he wanted nothing to do with you anymore? Maybe you could fake a nightmare again. He was far away from you this time, so he wouldn't be able to detect your nightmare, right?

You sat up, still staring at the door. Millions of thoughts dizzied your head as you got up, walking towards your destination like you were on your way to the electric chair. You hated doing this, but you wanted to so bad. 

Before you could regret your actions the door swooshed open, revealing Kylo looking over documents at his desk. You began to pick at the end of your shirt, a habit you had when you got nervous. "Kylo?"