Living in Fear(Zarcel Stylik)

Chapter 22

Zayn(POV)

How can i get so jealous over that fucking nerd who just fucking kissed that punk looking bitch? I pulled at my hair while standing behind the school building, what is wrong with me? One minute i like him more than life itself, than the next....I want to kill him and make sure his body isn't found. I just fucking scared the poor lad and here i am talking to myself, well more like thinking. I looked over at the football field, seeing louis and josh who were both laughing and pointing at one of the chest nerds who were covered in wet mud and crying because he couldn't find his glasses. I remember i use to be the one to cause them fuckers tears, now i'm here thinking about a certain boy who hasn't even talked to me. When he hit me the other day, i couldn't believe my fucking eyes. He looked hot when he was angry, he looked tough while glaring at me, but that was until he turned soft again. I looked down at my hands while trying to get them to stop shaking. I have been acting so fucking paranoid all day, i don't know why though. Maybe it's the fact that i'm scared of someone finding out about me kissing Marcel or maybe the fact that Marcel doesn't like me. 

''Zayn what the hell are you doing back here? You were suppose to be at practice, now coach is going to make us run an extra lap knowing that you fucking skipped.'' I looked over my shoulder while spotting louis who was looking down at his phone with a smile on his face. ''What's wrong mate?'' 

''Nothing, just thinking of new ways to get back at the nerd who like's wearing clothes smaller then him. You know....I can't share a tent with you, i'm already sharing with someone else.'' Smirking, i crossed my arms and watched as his head shop up with a small frown. 

''The fuck bro, why the hell not? You chose someone else over me? ME! I'm your fucking best mate and your already planning to bunk with someone else?'' Rolling my eyes, i punched him in the shoulder. Hard enough to send him flying back and gasping for air, i guess the pain really hurts. ''HEY! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?! YOU KNOW YOUR FUCKING HITS HURT MORE THAN GIRLS GIVING BIRTH, YOU FUCKING ARSE!'' 

''You don't even know how it feels for them to give birth so shut the hell up and i'm sharing a tent with marcel so i can make him do shit for me.....Nothing sexual but you know, being my slave for the whole week we're there or so. Nothing to worry about, your still my side bitch.'' Chuckling, i was met with a powerful punch to my leg which brought me down on my knee's. 

''Fuck you slut, if anything, your my damn bitch.'' He grabbed my hair while acting as if i was sucking his dick while girls walked by. ''Ahh yes, keep going.'' They started laughing, i quickly grabbed his balls and squeezed them, making him cry out in pain while he pushed me back. 

''Your such a fucking idiot, i'm not even gay you fucking dwit. Now stop acting like someone's cry baby and find josh so i can talk to him.'' He mumbled something under his breath while running off only to be gripping his balls, I looked over at the chest club group which was funny since they kept cheering. That's nothing like fucking football so they better calm down before i ruin their shit. As i walked back inside out school which was very quiet, like usual. I spotted jeff leaning up against his locker while looking down the halls as if he was waiting for someone....I bet he's waiting for MY marcel. Smirking, i walked up to the blondie who for once didn't have his hair all fucked up in rainbow faggot shit. ''Who you waiting for? Someone that wears glasses and tiny clothes?'' Standing in front of the taller lad who just rolled his eyes and faced the other direction. 

''Leave me alone dick head, i don't like you and i don't like your face. Back off before i do something you'll wish i never have thought about doing.'' He grumbled while texting, i bet he's texting my fucking marcel again.

''If your looking for Marcel, you can give up cause he going to be coming over to my place for something to work on. I have tons of homework that the teacher told me to finish but also having marcel help me out for the exams that are coming up. Stop waiting for him, he's not going to talk to you nor go where ever your going.'' He turned to face me with a hint of anger on his dull blue eyes. 

''What the fuck did you tell him? I know you've been picking on him when i'm not around, i swear if i find out what you have been putting him through than i'll rip your fucking head off your neck and feed it to my fish. Don't fuck with me or him, your just using the poor boy to get your grades up which is nothing more but a damn bully.'' Listening to what he was saying, fake yawning. I blinked a few times before chuckling after he huffed out in annoyance. ''Your not worth talk to if your going to be a fucking idiot.'' He kicked himself off the locker while walking away, i wanted to follow just to knock his arse out but decided not to since i don't like getting in trouble while looking for someone to fuck with. I couldn't help but wish i was in his shoes at the very moment, i watched as Marcel appeared out of nowhere and ran into jeff's arms like he's been gone for ages.....The fucking little bastard. Gritting my teeth, i punched the locker that was closest to me and hoped that it wasn't none of my mates. Wait why the fuck do i care if i dent someone else's locker? Groaning in pain as it started to kick in, i looked down at my hand seeing that it was turning purple and of course it was swollen. I watched a few scratches seep with blood as my fingers felt like they were going to fall off. Where has all my love for girls gone? Why have i been acting this way? Even for a boy that seems to be the worse person alive, i hate him so fucking much but yet i care about him. 

''Zayn? What the hell is your problem? Look at you, your bleeding mate.'' I quickly turned to face the boy who was trying to talk to me like he knew who i was, which he does. I groaned again, seeing none other than the one and only Jackie who had been known as the quiet boy who doesn't like talking to others. I think that's why i never pick on the pale looking boy, he bit his lip while looking down at me since he was indeed taller and really lanky may i add.

''It's nothing, now run along before i tell my mates to jump your arse after school. Well more like after practice or whatever.'' He didn't even move a muscle which had me fuming inside and out. ''Didn't you fucking hear me? Are you fucking deaf or something? Do you need my fist in your face for you to understand what it means to leave someone alone?'' He shook his head while taking his binder out of his bag and looking through it like he was meant to be here in front of me. 

''Why don't you take your own advice? Why can't you leave Marcel alone and stop being so cruel to him? He's a human being with a lot of feelings. I don't get you, your always telling people to leave you alone and to mind their own business when your doing the same thing you don't want them to do, why not just grow up?'' He looked down at me with a blank expression on his face, i clenched my good hand while thinking about punching him in the damn jaw. ''I know you want to hit me, go ahead but that's not going to solve your liking for Marcel, i know you like him and i know you might not be bisexual or gay but there's something in your eyes every time you see him. You pick on him because you can't stand your feelings for the poor guy, you beat him up everyday just to prove to yourself that you don't like him..When you really do.'' 

''You don't know shit about me or my damn feelings, your a nobody that should leave before i start kicking your pricky arse.'' I shoved him out of my way while walking down the same hall that jeff and marcel went down. I could feel tears prickling my eyes, my breathing was getting heavier as i took a few steps just to get out of this school and home where i'm free to do whatever. Running to my car, i don't even care about waiting for lou and josh, i just needed to get home and do something about marcel. We will be spending time together in the woods, in a tent, alone.....So he better listen to me before i really hurt him. I wiped away the stray tear that slid from my eye, shaking my head. I could feel my nose getting runny as my heart started to speed up like a race car. I need to get home, coughing on my way home. I need to get these feelings for Marcel to stop or i'm just going to drive myself crazy knowing that i have something this strong for someone i have been beating. ''Why must you do this to me Marcel? Why must you break me like this? Why change my mind from wanting to murder you into protecting you from everyone? I need you to answer me, i need you to want me just like i want you.'' I let my head fall against the steering wheel while finally crying. Letting everything out, kicking and punching, more tears flowing like a waterfall. I don't want this though, i need help.