𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐖

『30』

𝚡𝚢𝚕𝚊 𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚢𝚕𝚊 𝚜𝚖𝚒𝚝𝚑
【𝚡𝚢 𝚘𝚛 𝚔𝚎𝚢】

Broken.

That's exactly how I felt right now, watching Seven's mother break down at his funeral.

His death, even though I hadn't known him for that long, hit me hard. He was almost like a brother.

I was hurt, looking around the church at his younger siblings who were holding onto eachother.

It should have been me.

I felt the tears flowing down my face as I sat there, my mind and heart heavy thinking about that one simple fact.

This is all your fault.

I had gotten everyone into some fucked up stuff these past few months. People dying because of my decisions.

You don't deserve to live.

The person was there to kill me, why couldn't that have happened? I deserve to die. It should have been me.

My thoughts ate away at me, creeping up every time I tried to turn them into something positive.

Before I knew it, the funeral was over and they were carrying his casket out of the church. His family crying again because he was actually gone.

I stood with the girls as they lowered the casket into the ground, my legs feeling weak as words were spoken to the family.

I could feel my eyes starting to water, my breath picking up as they started to lower him into the ground.

"Xy, you good?" I heard a whisper, nodding my head quickly as I began to tune everything out.

Tears were falling down my face as I locked eyes with Que who was standing beside Seven's mom.

I felt my throat tightening as I started to get flashbacks of Tj's funeral, feeling the same hurt that I did back then.

I stepped backwards slightly, shaking my head as I let out a quiet and choked sob. Turning around to walk away as I began to breathe heavily.

I could hear footsteps behind me as I turned the corner, passing people as I tried to get to a place to be alone.

I cried loudly as I got to the other side of the church, punching the wall repeatedly as tears streamed down my face.

My hands were bleeding now, but I didn't stop. I needed to feel this pain, it was all my fault.

I felt someone wrap their arms around me, holding me tightly as I cried. I broke down as I realized it was Que.

My head hurting as I collapsed in his arms, sliding down to the ground with him following.

We sat on the ground with him comforting me, trying to calm me down since I was still breathing heavily.

After I was calm enough, he helped me up and we walked around the church so that I could meet Seven's mom.

She was talking to TK and the rest of them as we approached them. She gave Que another hug whispering something to him before pulling back to look at him.

"Who is this?" Her voice was raw from crying so much.

"Ma, this my girl."

She turned to me before smiling, looking at my face as if she was thinking. "What's your name?"

"Xyla." When I said that, it seemed like her eyes lit up a little before she smiled at me. I stood there stiffly and she reached out, pulling me into a tight hug.

"My son talked about you like he's known you for years." My breath hitched when she said that, not knowing that Seven even considered me that close of a friend.

"H-he did?"

"Yes baby. He was happy for y'all, you know that?" She directed to Que and I, her eyes watering again as she spoke about him.

"I know that." Que spoke, looking over at me before lacing our fingers together. I could feel myself about to cry again.

We talked to Seven's mom and everyone else for a little while longer, leaving after so that I could go pack.

-

I walked into the house after Que dropped me off at home, speaking to my mom who was in her room.

I made my way up the stairs, dragging myself slowly as everything began to crash down on me.

Walking into the bathroom, I took a look at myself in the mirror. Splashing water on my face and drying it, getting ready to turn the light off and leave when something caught my eye.

I falter slightly, turning around to grab the small bottle. The weight of it heavy as I contemplated what I was about to do.

Squeezing it tightly in my hand, I moved towards my room. Placing the bottle on my dresser as I started to pack my things.

Tears came dripping down my face, one after another as I tried to focus on packing. My breath hitching as I looked towards my desk, seeing a picture of Tj and I.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I was hurting everyone else around me.

I grab the small bottle, walking out of my room and down the hall. Opening the door to Tj's room, taking a deep breath as I looked around.

I sat down on his bed, clutching the bottle in my hand as my thoughts started to take over.

This is all my fault.

It should have been me.

I fucked up everyone's life.

It would be better if I wasn't alive.

I took a deep breath, twisting the cap and pouring the contents into my hand. My hands shaking as I looked at it.

Tears flowed down my face as I looked around the room, raising my hand to my mouth.

It should have been me.

THE END.

-

hood flow everybody.
i've started writing the sequel so that might be out soon, i just hope y'all ain't think this book was gone have a happy ending cause that is not the case.