Hospital Beds and Memories (All Time Low Fanfiction | Jack Barakat)

Death Surrounds Me

That night, Alex and Rian came home pretty buzzed. I wouldn't say they were drunk, but they definitely weren't sober. They didn't know Jack had left, but assumed that he would find his way back after they couldn't find him in the crowded club. I found out why Jack overreacted--well, more like I thought I knew why, he didn't say it himself. He decided to go back early after too many girls kept trying to get with him. Even though he always turned them down, they still kept throwing themselves at him, so he just decided to call it quits and leave. It was probably why he freaked out so much about me not being loyal, because he was.

I was so happy that Jack didn't feel any different about me, if anything he was more loving than before (which was possible, believe it or not). He couldn't keep his hands off me and kept telling me how much he loved me. There were a lot of neck kisses and hugs from behind. It was like he was afraid to lose me, yet there was nothing he could lose me to... other than death...

Jack and I were the last two to go to bed. We made sure to be very quiet so we wouldn't wake anybody up, and luckily the bunk was a bottom bunk, so we didn't stand on any unexpecting hands. Jack actually decided to wear a shirt this time, it was plain and white, but looked very comfortable. I just put on my normal pajamas, but not without catching Jack staring at me. He got in the bunk after I hit his chest and rolled my eyes. I joined him and lied half on top of him, one of my legs over his, my arm draped over his chest and my head resting just underneath his chin.

He wrapped an arm around me to keep me close and kissed the top of my head. "Goodnight. I love you."

"I love you too." I looked up to I could place a kiss on his jawline, and snuggled back into his chest.

----

I was in a weird room. Everything was white and sterile. There were weird bandages all over my arms, like they had been poking me to find a vein. The atmosphere was nauseating and pressurizing. I did not feel safe here. After my eyes got used to the blinding light, I saw Cam sitting at the end of the bed. Relief washed over me and I quickly sat up, calling out his name. But he didn't move. He kept staring at the floor to the left of him, away from me.

Was something wrong? Did something happen? Was he ok? Was I ok?

"Cam?" I asked again, but still didn't get any response. I got out from underneath the covers and crawled over the bed to him, "Cam?" I shook him slightly, but his body only limply moved along.

I kept trying and trying, but nothing worked! I was panicking and I just wanted my brother to answer me and tell me what was going on! This wasn't right! This couldn't be real... but it was!

I gave up and was about to start crying, but held it back when he slowly turned around to face me. Nearly cheering out in glee, I took a look at his face and the tears started falling. He had bruises everywhere, cuts were scattered across his skin and blood was pouring out everywhere. Some of his limbs looked like they were at painfully weird angles.

I dared to ask, "w--what happened to you?"

"We are all dying." He sounded unemotional and the speech sounded rehearsed.

"What?"

"We are all dying," he repeated, the last bit of life leaving his eyes. Before I could ask anything else, he coughed up blood and collapsed backward. I screamed out. His eyes were empty and glossy, his skin gray, and his body enervated. He couldn't be dead. He couldn't be dead! I shook his body, hoping he was just joking with me, but he wasn't breathing, nor was there a heartbeat.

I ran out of the room. There had to be a doctor around here somewhere; this place looked exactly like a hospital. The hallways had the same bland color, the doors looked the same, even the chairs were exactly like the ones in the hospital at home. But there was nobody. Not even in any of the other rooms. It was deserted. Everything was neat and clean, but also abandoned. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore.

I was running through never-ending random hallways, crying my heart out. Cam was gone; my brother, my best friend, the one always beside me was gone. There was no way to explain how I felt other than as messed up at these corridors that were laid out like a maze. No way out, no way for somebody to find me. I was no longer running to find someone, but running just because I had to. I couldn't stop, something was pushing me.

When I finally saw two figures in the distance, I sped up as much as I could. They were sitting next to each other in the seats that were organized in one row against the wall. I zoomed past the empty chairs, and the closer I got the more I seemed to recognize them. But it was only when I was stood in front of them and they looked up at me, did I realize that they were my parents.

Their hair was thinning and had fully turned gray. The skin that used to have a few wrinkles was now loose and folded in many places. Their eyes looked just like Cam's: dead and hopeless. But what made it look worse were the deep dark bags underneath their eyes, contrasting with the plane thin skin.

They started chanting in the same type of voice my brother had used, "we are all dying."

Their eyes were burning into me and a terrible feeling washed over me. I knew what was about to happen, and as much as I wanted to, I couldn't look away. Their skin melted off, leaving only a skeleton behind. The force kept making me watch the horrifying scene. I wanted to run, but I was forced to see everything unfold. As soon as their skin was gone, their bones fell apart, collecting on a pile at my feet.

My whole body was shaking and I ran as soon as I had control again. But this time my journey was shorter. The one person I really wanted to see, yet at the same time didn't want to see, was standing right there. His back was towards me and he was looking out through a window that covered an entire wall. I was afraid to go up to him. I didn't want to see him die, just like everybody else I loved.

But the weird presence made me walk the couple of steps to him. I tried closing my eyes, but I couldn't; I couldn't even blink. Alleviation spread through my body when I saw him unharmed.

"Jack!" I exclaimed, causing him to turn and look at me. "Thank god you're ok!"

"What's wrong?" He took hold of both my hands and gave a concerned look.

"I--I woke up and Cam was there. He coughed up blood and died right in front my eyes. S--so I ran away, trying to find someone, but nobody was there. I found my parents, but they somehow dissolved into a pile of bones. And I--I don't know what's going on!"

He stared at me blankly and didn't say anything for a while until the recognizable tone that my family also used came out of his mouth, "they're all dead."

I tried to break away from him, but his grip was too tight. There was no way I could get his fingers to loosen. My heart started beating faster and I was ready for him to drop dead right in front of me, just like the others. But nothing happened. He let go of one of my hands and pulled me to the window. "Isn't it beautiful?"

There were weird tangled highways, and small twinkling lights sparkling everywhere. But there was also a lot of nature in between the dark black asphalt structures. Birds were flying from tree to tree and other animals were scurrying on the floor. It was pretty abstract, yet so amazing. In the distance were gray mountains with fluffy snow resting on their summits. This was wonderland.

I was about to nod, but I was stopped by my reflection in the glass. My skin was yellow and my eyes were sunken. But I felt ok. What was going on?

"They're all dead," Jack turned to me, "but you're not."

"W--what do you mean?" The look in his eyes was scaring me, making my bones rattle and my stomach feel uneasy.

"It's time for you to go as well."

Before I could even ask once more, he spun us around so my back was towards the glass. He had a tight grip on my shoulders and was shuffling us until the cool material tickled my back and neck. I leaned further back, trying to get away from him, but it wasn't possible. He pushed me backward with an impossible force, grinning as I smashed through the glass, sharp shards flying around me.

----

I woke up, clutching Jack's t-shirt tightly. I wanted to scream, to scream as loud as I could. But I couldn't. It was all just a dream; it wasn't real. Nobody died, nobody was dying, and Jack did not try to kill me. We were in the bunk sleeping. Nothing was going on. Everything was fine.

I brought a shaky hand up to my face to dry my tears. Jack was still sleeping tightly, he breathing nice and even. My cheeks were wet and there was this weird pain between my eyes. It wasn't really pain... it was more like a pressure... Wait.

Getting out of our embrace, I ripped the curtain open and rushed to the bathroom. Blood immediately rushed out of my nose and fell into the sink I had just reach. The hand I held to my face before was full of blood as well. This was almost as bad as the first time. Oh god, oh god, oh god. There was nothing around to clean myself up and I had to try and stop the blood flow with my hands, but it wasn't working.

"Ireland?" Jack called out from the bunks. "Are you ok?"

"Dude, shut up," a sleepy voice from one of the closed bunks groaned.

I didn't want Jack to see. But there was nothing I could do. If I wanted to try and close the door, I would get blood all over it, which wasn't a good idea. There wasn't even a towel here that I could use to clean up the blood. The tears started slowly rolling down my cheeks again when I realized I was screwed.

"Ireland?" Jack shouted once again, earning some more moans from the bunks. I heard footsteps hurry over to where I was and I looked to my right to see Jack standing there. He took in the scene, "oh, shit!"

I let him take one of my hands, the blood flowing out from my nose freely again. Now I was no longer the only one full of blood. What was once a nice white t-shirt, was now covered in blood smears from Jack's own hand. He ran to the front of the bus, trying his best to find anything that could help me.

Only seconds later he started coming back. "You're going to have to take my shirt."

"Dude, seriously, what the fuck?" A bunk curtain opened. "And why are you covered in blood!"

"Rian, go back to sleep!" Jack appeared and took off his pure white t-shirt. He held it out for me and I took it, even though I felt guilty for ruining it. I quickly put it to my face, letting the fabric soak up the red liquid.

The tears that were running down my face turned into whimpers and quiet crying, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."

Suddenly there was another person standing behind Jack. He looked inside and made eye contact with me. "What's going on here?"

"Alex," Jack sighed, "I don't think she needs more people around her."

"Ok, fine," Alex retreated back to his bunk, leaving Jack and me all alone again.

Jack slowly took steps towards me. "Will you tell me what's wrong?"

I couldn't take it anymore. All my feelings came out at once; I was sad, angry, embarrassed, distressed, but most of all, terrified. I knew exactly what my dream was about: I was ready to leave my brother and parents behind, but I wasn't ready to leave Jack. All these thoughts and feelings swirled around in my head. It all turned into me collapsing and sobbing. I just couldn't do this anymore.

This was the first time I broke down completely in front of Jack. He had seen me scream because of a headache before, he was with me for countless of seizures, but I had never cried like this in front of him... had I ever actually cried in front of him?

He suddenly picked me up and brought me to the back lounge, making sure to close the door so nobody could disturb us, as well as us not keeping up the others. After he laid me down on the couch, he got down beside me and wrapped his arms around me, so I could cry into his naked chest. I felt so stupid. If I had just told him before I could have avoided this.

"I think I already know what's wrong," he whispered and kissed my forehead, "but I want you to tell me."

I nodded, he deserved to know and hear me say it. Before I talked, I moved the shirt so it was only covering my nose slightly, the bleeding had nearly stopped. "I-I-I-I."

"Take a deep breath, calm down first." He stroked my hair soothingly.

"T-the day after A-Abagail came to t-talk to me, I-I got a c-call from the ho-hospital. They w-wanted to see me as s-soon as possible. The d-doctor told me I h-have leukemia."

Jack's grip got tighter as soon as I said 'leukemia'. Nobody ever wanted to hear that the person they loved was going to slowly die. But I wasn't done yet, so I continued, "it's w-worse than they f-first thought. It's l-like when I w-was six years old, b-but they don't know if I'll s-survive it."

Jack's voice cracked, "you had it when you were six years old?"

I nodded and held onto him tighter, I didn't want him to get mad at me and leave. "It's why I had short hair."

"Oh, I thought that was because you wanted to make a fashion statement."

That made me giggle. He still knew how to make me laugh in situations like this. And I loved him so much for it. He was basically the only reason why I was still holding on... literally...

"I love you so much," Jack pressed his forehead against mine, "and we're going to get through this together. But I need to ask you why you didn't tell me."

"I wanted to," I mumbled, "but I either got interrupted, there were too many other people around, or I just chickened out."

"Mmm, ok," Jack seemed to accept my answer and closed his eyes, me closing mine only a second or so later.

"I'm so sorry."