how to love // z. m.

Chapter Fifty-Four

Chapter Fifty-Four

So. This is the air Zayn breathes.

England air.

Stereotypical, I know, but I kind of expected to see cafes full of Brits sipping tea and eating crumpets. Or at least a little fish and chips going on here.

I wasn't half wrong, but it was definitely not 100% right, either.

It was late afternoon (time change... ugh.) by the time my flight had landed in London, England, and I was insanely exhausted. My eyes were heavy and threatening to close right then and there in public. And for that reason, I had to put sunglasses on so that no one would notice if I did close them for a little longer than a blink.

I guess the sunglasses served a double purpose, because no Directioners were recognizing me. Of course, maybe it's just that English fans aren't as crazy as Americans. Or maybe it's just normal to see One Direction and their close acquaintances walking down the streets of London.

As an American, I wouldn't know.

I knew I should probably go find a hotel that I can rest at for a little while before I figured out a way to meet up with Zayn and... you know. Explain. Things.

But frankly, I didn't have the money to afford a hotel room, and I wasn't about to dial up Niall and ask for money. He already got me this plane ticket. No way am I ever going to ask for more.

I was about to give up on getting any rest when I noticed a bus stop. But not just any bus stop. This bus stop had a bus stopped at it, accepting passengers. But not just any bus, either.

A big red bus.

Like Clifford.

But in bus-form.

My eyes lit up and I ran quickly to the door of the bus, hopping on. I took out my wallet from my duffle bag that I'd put two changes of sweats, plain tees, and a sweatshirt, along with the essentials of makeup and a hairbrush and my cell phone with its charger.

I slapped down the right amount of money into the palm of the driver's hand. He seemed like a nice guy. Greatly aged, but nice.

I could tell most of the passengers were British because there weren't many spaces left on the bottom seats. On instinct, I clambered up onto the roof of the bus, where a few small groups of tourists were all being googly-eyed at the city. I laid down on the last seat taken, and immediately let my eyes close, letting the soothing sounds of city life and traffic (what? I'm a New Yorker.) act as a lullaby.

And then I dreamed of what happened last night after I decided to use the ticket.

________________________________________________________________________

"Oh, hey, Toni! Just the person I wanted to see."

I whipped myself around from my mailbox, letter, ticket, and ripped envelope in hand, to see David standing there, smiling pleasantly.

"Hello." I gave him a tight-lipped smile, but he didn't seem to notice the difference between our smiles at all as he took my hand and gave me a quick kiss.

"I was wondering if maybe tonight you wanted to go bowling," he continued once he released me.

Bowling.

Classic date activity.

...Boring...

I shocked myself by that thought, but then again, it didn't seem so strange. Now that I think of it, every date I've gone on with David has been a little less than exciting.

Okay, more than a little.

"Uhm," I bit my lip, looking for the right words to say. "I can't, actually. I've got something else I need to take care of... Something I need to do." My eyes wandered from David's down to the things in my hands.

Something on my left hand glimmered, and I saw the ring.

"...Make that two things I need to take care of..." I muttered, keeping my head turned away.

"What?" David asked, confused. "What is it?"

"I..." Why do things like this have to be so complicated? Why can't I just come out and say it? Ah, because I'm a nice person. A bit weird, but I'm still nice.

I took a deep breath, and mentally kicked myself so that I would just get to it.

I reached one hand over to the other and fingered the engagement ring for a few moments before doing what I knew I needed to do.

I took it off.

Then I held it out for David to take.

"Uhm, what?" David's expression looked hurt, but I refused to let that change my mind. I knew what I was doing was a good thing. The right thing.

"Give it to someone who really is head over heels for you, David," I said bravely, my confidence picking up.

David opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He closed it and looked down at the ring in my hand, then took it from me, examining it.

And eventually, he nodded, sighing.

"Okay."

I smiled as his response, then wrapped my arms around him. "Thank you, David." I felt the need to say that. Somewhere in the back of my mind, a thought had been put there that he might lash out on me.

It took him a few moments, but he hugged back. Tightly and passionately, he hugged back.

I got teary-eyed, and from the sound of David sniffing, he was too.

"I'll always love you, Toni," he whispered.

"I'll always love you, too, David," I replied. "But not in the way you want me to."

"That's reserved for Zayn."

I froze, and then pulled away. I looked up at David in shock.

He smiled slightly. "I know he's the reason why you don't want me anymore, if you ever truly did in the first place. He's right for you. I think I get that now. Sure, I wish I were, but that's just not how things worked out."

I wiped my tears from my eyes, and David chuckled a little.

"Zayn's a lucky guy, Toni."

I bit my lip to keep from really crying, and I nodded. David put his arms around me one more time, then kissed my forehead.

"I mean it."

He gave me one last sad smile before turning and walking out of the apartment building.

I covered my mouth with my hand that wasn't holding the envelope and everything that had come inside it, and kept my eyes trained toward the ceiling, blinking back more tears.

I'm not so sure that they're sad tears. They're more of happy tears. I'm glad that David had reacted that way. And I'm glad that I've realized my true feelings for Zayn before it was completely too late to do anything about it.

_________________________________________________________________

I woke up sometime later with a smile on my face. I stretched and realized that I was still on the moving bus, but now it was pretty dark out. I looked around at the city lights when suddenly I saw a huge crowd of girls standing outside of a stadium-like building.

That setting looked oddly familiar...

And then I heard the band name that the girls were shouting, so I acted on impulse.

"DRIVER!" I shouted, jumping out of my seat and literally leaping down the short number of steps down to the first floor of the bus. "Stop the bus. Now."

"Off to get the one you love?" the elderly man croaked as he pressed down gently on the brakes.

"What...?" I looked at him, surprised. "How did you know...?"

He smiled slightly. "That look in your eyes." I felt myself blush and I looked down, nodding. "Go get him."

"Thank you," I giggled a little, then turned and raced off the bus.